Eating Alone

When I was in first year uni, sitting in the cafeteria, one of my friends commented on a girl sitting near us who was eating by herself. She said something along the lines of, "Oh, that's so sad, I feel like I should go sit with her." I laughed and responded, "I eat lunch here by myself pretty much every day."

Is that what most people think about people in restaurants who are eating by themselves? I eat by myself all the time. There is nothing wrong with it. Answer this: Which is sadder, eating by yourself, or walking around hungry because you're too self-conscious to eat alone?

I don't see anything sad about eating alone, although now I'm constantly concerned that people are watching me and commenting to their friends that I must be so sad and lonely. And maybe I am a bit lonely, but at least I'm not lonely AND hungry, you know what I'm saying? I just don't have time to coordinate my schedule with another person's so that I can get sustenance without looking like I have no friends.

I do thank the technological gods that laptops exist, because when you're eating and using your laptop, it looks like you're doing some real important work and simply had to take a break to eat at some point. But I think a book does the same thing. I used to bring my textbooks to the cafeteria, and that's where I got most of my readings done. (Tip for fellow students.)

Yes, eating has become a social ritual, but it doesn't have to be. Humans plan events around food. Think about it. "Let's watch reruns of Dexter and order pizza." "Let's crack open some wine and feast on this brie." "I  can't wait to get a hot dog at the hockey game tonight." We associate food with everything and that's okay. Just last night I went to the movies and I was more excited for popcorn than I was for the movie. (While we're on that topic, I will say that I am definitely not comfortable enough with myself to go see a movie alone.) So, it makes sense that when we see someone eating all alone, we think that they must be sad about the whole situation. But we have to remember, humans eat because we have to, not because we want to sit around and catch up on all the hot gossip with our friends.

It's actually weird that we eat together. I don't know about everyone else but when I'm by myself I enjoy eating a lot more. This is probably because I can and will act like a disgusting pig and no one knows. I also throw the 10 second rule out the window when I'm eating by myself, but that's a different story.

I don't know if people think about this as much as I think they do, but clearly there are people out there who do. I think the only thing I can really say about it is that it's all about comfort. Some people are uncomfortable being alone. Some people can't go to the bathroom alone, some people can't go shopping alone, some people can't walk home in the dark alone. Is it a self-esteem issue? Or a don't-want-to-get-kidnapped thing? Or an I'm-the-center-of-the-world thing? People always think that everyone is paying attention to everything that they're doing, which is absolutely not the case. But we think it's happening because, hello, who is more interesting to watch than I am?

I guess to end this off, I just have to say that if you have to eat alone (or if you WANT to eat alone, which is a total possibility that a lot of people don't think about) you just have to own it. And stop worrying that people are watching your every move.

I Heart Words (Can My Prof Tell I'm Not Paying Attention?)

So I'm in my Children's Literature class right now. Yes, right this second. (Sorry, mom.) Children's Lit, doesn't that sound fun? It would be more fun if we were reading Dr. Seuss instead of Anne of Green Gables but I guess I shouldn't complain. (I complain anyway. I hate Anne of Green Gables.)

The class in this room before us is like chemistry or calculus or something that has numbers and symbols in it and the previous prof likes to leave it all up on the board, as if to say, "Haha, you English students have no idea what this means." Which is absolutely true. But anyways, then my prof erases the garbage on the board and starts putting up notes about Cinderella (which is actually a terrifying story about chopping off your own feet to make someone love you.) which is something I find humorous for some reason.

Today we're actually talking about a lovely book called Harris and Me by Gary Paulson, which I thoroughly enjoyed despite the fact that it's for kids. I do suggest that you read it someday or get your kids to read it. (Just get your kids to read anything. It scares me when I think about the number of people I know who never read.)

I love when profs swear. Mine just said, "You'll never find that the subtext in an adventure story is 'life's a bitch and then you die.'" Then we all had a laugh.

I recently decided to take the 50 Book Pledge. I'm really behind mostly because of school, and I'm becoming convinced that I may not make it to 50, but this is fun, and I'm almost positive that they don't send anyone to pop your eyes out with a spoon if you don't complete all 50 so I think I'll stick with it.

If you've been keeping up with my previous posts, you may know that I've been going through some lack of inspiration. But as I was searching for books to add to my "to-be-read bookshelf" for the Pledge, and I read excerpts and quotes, I found exactly what I needed. I found great writing and I knew that I wanted to make great writing too. Granted, I wouldn't exactly call any of my blog posts "great" or like the next A Man Without A Country or anything. However, I also found a spark of inspiration to start writing a story that's been hanging out in the back of my brain for a while. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited about it! Damn sleep. I hate it sometimes. I awoke this morning and the excitement was gone. (It was replaced with anger because I think everyone in the entire building I live in decided that this morning would be a fun time to slam a lot of doors.)

Since we're talking about being annoyed, I'm also annoyed because some chick decided to take my usual seat in class and I had to sit towards the back of the room. I'm pretty sure I'm going blind so my prof is extremely blurry and for all I know is an impostor. Also, my foot is asleep.

Where am I going with all of this? This is a question that maybe I ask too often. What I'm talking about is the power of books. The power of literature. The power of words in general. I love words. One of my favourite word-users, Stephen King, once said, "Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe." 

They're so much fun! There aren't a lot of things that I can name that are as versatile as words. Think about life without them. You would have just spent 20 minutes trying to use symbolism (symbolism other than letters/sounds organized in such a way that other people understand what you're communicating, that is) to order a sandwich. And what would our thoughts be like? They would just be pictures. That's lame. 

And what would comedy be? It would be all farcical. Or "fartsicle" which is a reference to the most recent episode of Parks and Recreation but is extremely appropriate at this moment. Comedy would be all fart jokes and slipping on banana peels. And as much as I enjoy watching the roadrunner outsmart Wile E. Coyote off of cliffs, I wouldn't want to rely on that for constant comedic entertainment.

Some of the most beautiful things in the world come from instances where the most perfect words are put together in the most perfect way.

Am I getting too sentimental about words? I don't think so. I think people overlook how strong and exciting words can be. They make you laugh, they make you cry, smile, think. With the exception of maybe the ocean or the grand canyon or a snow-capped mountain range or the opening scene of Up, I don't think there are things existing on Earth that are as powerful.

I mentioned Dr. Seuss. What a guy! Making up his own words. And why not? I make up words all the time. (You should see all the red underlines happening during most of my posts.) And Shakespeare practically invented half the words we use today. The possibilities with letters and words and sentences and paragraphs are endless! This is one of my favourite examples of playing with words:

r-p-o-p-e-s-s-a-g-r by e.e. cummings

I think that's a perfect place to stop. Because this might be the perfect poem. I don't know, though. Have a nice day.

University, Children's Cartoons, and Other Things

I have a story for you.

So the other night I'm reliving my childhood by watching clips from the beloved children's film (if you can even call it a children's film because holy goodness, it's intense. Epic battle scene, much?!), The Land Before Time.

Completely-off topic-you-can-skip-over-this-if-you-want-Note: Does anyone in the world really know what the rules are with parenthesis and other punctuation? Does anyone even care? Are brackets even relevant anymore outside of BEDMAS? Just a thought. Googling it later. Anyways...

So I'm watching TLBT and loving my life when suddenly it occurs to me, "Holy fucoxanthin, these dinos are racist!" Yes, yes, it is true. Examples:

Cera: Threehorns never play with longnecks. They only talk to other threehorns and they only travel with other threehorns. 
(And at one point she calls Littlefoot's dead mom a "stupid longneck." Like, for realsies.)
Also...
Ducky: Hello. I said hello! What is your name? Maybe you cannot talk yet, huh?
Littlefoot: Don't you know anything? Longnecks don't talk to, whatever you are.

So anyways, you get the point. And by the end of the movie everyone loves each other and species doesn't matter anymore and everything is great. So I'm feeling all warm and happy and then I think, "Wow, this would be great for an essay about race relations or anti-racism!" And THEN I think, "Holy $&%@! I hate university." Because? Because it's ruining perfectly enjoyable entertainment and making me find themes and deeper meaning. I don't want to think about themes and meanings behind my favourite childhood films. I just want to laugh at the silly farcical comedy (FARCICAL?! See, it's happening again) and giggle at the more adult jokes that I didn't get when I was little. (Another side note, a bit more relevant - 13 movies later and Littlefoot and the gang still aren't grown up... Which is probably a good thing for him because what giant dinosaur wants a name like Littlefoot?)

So now I'm thinking about all my favourite childhood stories and they're all being ruined! I hate learning life lessons! And I hate thinking when I don't want to think. My brain doesn't shut up half the time. It's why I watch kids movies. They're so simple.

You know what was a good movie? The Swan Princess. And was it about accepting people even if they're different and love is blind and bestiality isn't really a big deal? NO! It was about nothing. It was just a good story. So shut up, brain.

For the record, I'm not talking about shows like Caillou and Veggie Tales that are clearly trying to teach us about sharing and not calling out the dumb kids in class for being dumb. I'm not talking about the clear societal morals that we're always trying to teach our children so they don't grow up to be major brats with babies at 16 (Wait a second, did teaching kids these lessons through television and media fail? Did they all become a little too friendly and curious because Spongebob is just a little too friendly and curious? That would be a great essay...) And for the record again, I hated both of those shows. (Caillou and the talking vegetables.) Jeepers, Caillou, listen to you parents and clean up your mess already, okay? Stop being a brat. And it was on PBS. PBS is the worst thing in the world. Except for the show Zoom. I will not argue about this any further.

I learned all my important life lessons from reading Berenstain Bears books. They were the greatest. And look, I'm basically perfect now. (*cough*)

Okay, I've gotten off topic just a bit. I hope you haven't nodded off. Let's make an awkward commute into the point that I know gets brought up by every bored English student while we're reading To Kill A Mockingbird and Huck Finn:

"What if the author just wrote that and had no intentions of providing us with commentary on racism." This statement can clearly be applied to every other book that we study and CLEARLY it does not always have to involve racism. (Whenever I'm writing things on the internet I feel as if I have to spell everything all out for everyone. I have no idea why...)

What if all of these amazing, breakthrough tales read and written about over and over again are just that? Just tales, meant to entertain. That's what storytelling is, isn't it? When my cousin used to make up stories for us when we were kids, she wasn't trying to teach us life lessons. We just thought that a bear who had gas and fell down hills a lot was hilarious. And guess what? It is. It is hilarious. And things like that will never stop being hilarious.

Unless the author comes back from the dead and says, "I'm talking about Racism, you fools!" then I don't quite buy some of the stuff people say about some literature.

So, university, STOP making me unconsciously look for themes and values in everything I watch and read. There's a time and place for deep thinking and for coming up with ideas. That time is not when I'm watching one of my favourite childhood films. UNLESS I actually need to write that essay someday, in which case, thank you for giving me such insight.

I don't think I've said a single insightful thing at all in this babbling. What does it all mean? What's the meaning of life? Who cares? We're going to die and find out eventually. Sometimes you have to take a step back from the problems and the pressures of society and just watch a freaking cartoon rabbit trick a cartoon duck into running off a cliff. And it's funny. And we laugh. And we don't know why. And we don't care why. And that's the truth.

The end.

Being A Grown Up

The surprisingly difficult things that you didn't realize were difficult until you had to do them yourself. Maybe most of these were only difficult for me. Yes, okay, actually, let's start over:

Things That I Found Surprisingly Difficult Once I Had To Do Them Myself:

Hair appointments. #1 reason I find this hard to do is that I absolutely hate the phone so making appointments is scary. (That being said my mommy made my last hair appointment so this is a moot point.) I hate that you can hear a voice, but you can't see a face. And I hate the way my voice sounds. I don't want to sound like an idiot. And it's super unfortunate that there's no way to edit the stupid things you say on the phone. Plus when I get there I always panic and I don't know what to tell the hairdresser. 

Cleanliness. The fact that I'm sitting here in sweatpants that haven't been washed in who knows how long, with piles of clothing and empty bottles surrounding me and unwashed dishes on my desk says it all. (That's a real photo from my dorm room last year. Things have not changed.)

Ordering Food Over The Phone. (Because this is an option now that I'm out of the small town scene.) Again, with the phones. I hate them. And then you have to go meet the creepy delivery guy downstairs where he'll probably kidnap you and take you away to be his sex slave and live in his yucky pizza-box-filled basement.

Laundry. Everyone agrees with laundry, but a lot of it might have something to do with having to go all the way to the basement of the building you're living in to actually do the laundry. Or at least that's how I feel. And everyone else using the laundry room is always an idiot! I've found it very tempting to just go out and buy new underwear every week.

Grocery shopping... Alone. I never know what to buy and I always find that I buy too little or I buy a bunch of stuff that I don't even actually want. Plus, it's scary, going into that big place all alone, facing all the intimidating old ladies with their reusable bags and Air Miles cards. They mean business, but you're just a little university student trying to get her Mr. Noodles.

Healthy eating. Pizza pockets are easier than salad, okay!

Finding someone to talk to. We're going to get a little serious, just for a sec. It's tough to talk to other university students about your problems because they have lots of problems of their own. Not having your mommy there all the time to chat with is tough, at least for me.

The emergency room. Last year I accidentally sliced a tiny piece off the end of one of my fingers. (See pic.) There was blood everywhere and I was freaking out because I thought it was a lot worse than it actually was (I thought my finger was going to have a chunk out of it forever.) But despite the bleeding,  I was absolutely terrified to go to the hospital without my mom, so I didn't. Everything is fine, now (except now when you look suuper close, my finger is a weird shape, I SWEAR!) but I'm not going to be able to skip the emergency room in more severe cases like if a bookcase falls on me or if I accidentally cut off my whole arm with a rusty saw.

There are definitely a lot more of these things I'm going to discover as I get older. I'm super lucky that I can call my mom or dad up almost any time and ask them how the heck I'm supposed to do this stuff. I'm sure I'll repay them someday (when they turn 65 and I don't immediately send them to a nursing home.)

The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.

Super Study Tips

It's back to school, and we all know what that means. Studying! And a lot of it. So, I've put together a list of study tips that I hope will make your studying experience more comfortable and worthwhile.

• Have an abundance of your favourite snacks nearby. Hunger can only distract you.
• The coffee you have at home isn't good enough, so you should probably take a trip (or several) to the coffee shop down the road.
• Use the reflection of your laptop to compare how you look with your glasses on and with them off. Do this multiple times for maximum cuteness results.
• Your desk is super messy. You should probably clean it. And the rest of your room. And the bathroom. And look at all the old stuff in the back of your fridge. You should clean that too.
• Keep your phone nearby in case one of your friends is trapped in a burning building and you need to go save them.
• Build a palace with your textbooks to get your creative juices flowing.
• The temperature in your room is weird so change from sweatpants to shorts and back like six times because there's no way you can study unless you have a comfortable body temperature.
• Study for 20 minutes and then watch 3 episodes of your favourite show because it's good to give yourself breaks while you're studying. Gotta let it all sink in.
• Your eyes are pretty sleepy after all that Parks and Recreation you watched, so you should probably lay down for a bit and rest them.
• After your nap, you wake up and you can probably get 20 more minutes of studying in before you realize that you haven't checked the news today and what if your hometown got burnt to the ground?
• Shoot, it's your aunt's birthday. You should catch up on your happy birthday Facebook messages so the guilt can't distract you from your studying.
• You've had enough of eating gummy worms so you should probably order a pizza.
• Chat up the delivery guy for longer than usual, because loneliness has a negative effect on the retention of information, probably.
• Your friends are going out for drinks and alcohol is just what you need to get rid of the stress of all this homework you have. It'll be way easier to study once you're super relaxed.
• Finally, just go to bed, because after all, you can always study tomorrow.

The Blackout

Frosh week. Get drunk. Do stupid stuff. Forget everything.

But why? Honestly, the number of Facebook statuses I've read about getting blackout drunk or whatever, it's ridiculous. Why is getting crazy drunk considered an accomplishment? And you're a loser if you'd rather have a few drinks over a game of cards.

Don't get me wrong here, I like to have a few drinks, and I've had a few too many. But I don't start out with the intention of getting out of control. Binge drinking is exactly why we can't have a lower drinking age here. People get out of hand, and people do stupid things, and that's why there's puke on the stairs of every res building every Sunday morning.

And I can guarantee you that the kid who puked on the stairs tells that story like it's one about him finishing a marathon or something. This is something I do as well. Why do we tell our drunk tales like they're something to be proud of.? They're kind of not. Just because you got drunk, doesn't mean you had a good time. And you can have a good time without being drunk. Puking, to me, does not equal a good time.

But yet there they are, the pics on Facebook of some chick with her head in your toilet. And it's the best picture ever! Clearly the best night was had if there was puking involved. And the next thing you know that chick has this pic as her profile picture. Why are you bragging that you poisoned yourself and had to vomit up all the shrimp you ate at the pub (in a nice vodka-y puke-sauce, probably)?

Here's the thing I don't understand the most though. It honestly baffles me every time I see it, and I see it a lot. "Blackout tonight." What? You're planning to have an awesome time and forget about it completely? What's even the point? You essentially just lost an entire night of your life, so what was even the point of going out? More valuable memories could have been made by staying home. That said, I think a lot of the time when people "forget" the goings on of the night before, they're lying. No, I KNOW that a lot of the time when people forget things, they're lying.

What's the point here? I'm not telling people not to party. I really don't care, I'm only questioning why partying is held on such a pedestal. Are you proving that you don't care? Are you going against society in some way? Are you looking for an excuse to hook up with someone? Or is it just attention seeking (This one has my vote. People who stay in don't get attention, so let's go out and let strangers take shots off our bodies.) Whatever it is, I think it makes our society a little sloppy and most definitely not classy. But my rant on classiness is for another day.



PS: I know it's been a while, but expect more content soon and more often. Sometimes your brain goes through a dry spell and you don't have anything to rant about. Weird, but it happens.