The Five Dumbest Things Humans Do With Water

So, I think everyone is aware at this point that the world is running out of clean drinking water. And, if you didn't know about it, I'm sorry for drastically changing the way you brush your teeth (Hint: Turn the tap OFF when your toothbrush isn't under the water.)

So, let's talk about H20. Here are two water-related things I wrote to myself. I have no idea where I was going with either of them and this seems like as good a time as any to reveal them to the internet.

• During summer, a man came into my place of employment and asked me if we had any distilled water or if we only carried spring water. Since I have no idea what the hell(o kitty) distilled water is, I said, "I don't think I know the difference." Then he started going on about how distilled water is fully evaporated and then unevaporated or whatever the word for that is. Then he said, I kid you not, "I'm probably going to get in trouble for getting the wrong kind." Pardon? The wrong kind of WATER? That's close to the dumbest thing I've ever heard. (Note: Since I wrote this I have discovered that there are some breathing machines (or something rather, I don't know technical terms) that only take distilled water, but come on, science. Please. My apologies for being annoyed at this guy when more than likely this is all science's fault, as usual.)
• As a child, I ate a large amount of snow, which parents and teachers insist you do not do. But guess what? I'm fine, and all my friends who did the same are fine. And we were always very hydrated during the winter.

There, that was pointless. Now, let's turn this post into a list!

The Five Dumbest Things Humans Do With Water

Clearly this snow has
yet to be shoved into a pile.
That is a road, by the way.

5. Shovel it into huge, dirty piles. Yep, there's some precious frozen water, arguably the most important element on Earth, just shoved into a big pile mixed with gravel and mud. I don't really have a solution to this. Like, I'm assuming it's pretty pointless to ship snow across the world to countries that need water. And besides, snow is "dirty" apparently even though it's beautiful and white and sparkly. I mean, I know, we have to get it out of the way so we can drive and stuff, but is there NOTHING else we can do with it? It just seems like a huge waste, knowhatimsayin'?

4. Let children run through it/Slip N Slide on it/squirt it out of guns. I think there are people in this world who would weep to see the way that we waste water in the summer. I'm not saying that some of the best times of my life didn't involve a sprinkler or a squirt gun. I'm just saying that when it comes down to it, using fresh tap water to get revenge on your cousin for throwing you in the pool is pretty selfish and wasteful, in the grand scheme of things.

I didn't think a photo of me in the
shower would be appropriate,
so here's my adorable dog taking a bath.

3. Shower in it. A shower might not be so so bad if it was just an in and out sort of deal. I like to think that if you can use less water during your shower than it takes to fill up a bath tub, then maybe you've saved some. However, this doesn't count if you think about the fact that, as Laura Ingalls Wilder went into WAY too much detail about (I swear she was ALWAYS talking about bath water, jeez) there are times and places where people shared and reused bath water. Therefore, letting it all go down the drain, when most of it barely even touched you in the first place is actually a little bit crazy. This, plus the fact that, if you're like me, a shower is a time to contemplate all the world's problems and come up with good tweets. Why is a shower a better time for thinking than just sitting in a chair doing nothing? (Actually, it's because your brain is slightly preoccupied with something else. It's not really trying so hard to think about things, so you can come up with genius ideas. This is all accurate, I just don't have any real terms or definitions to back it up.)

2. Put it in plastic bottles and charge a ton of money for it. Ugh, this is where the thing about distilled water kind of comes back into the picture. Sometimes it's difficult for me to even wrap my head around the fact that people are allowed to sell water. It comes right out of the Earth, but even people who have access to it choose instead to buy it in a store for a stupid price. And there are all these different kinds(?!?) of water. There's classic spring water, which everyone believes to be just tap water, but I assume we'll never know the truth about that. Then there's distilled water. And this summer I started seeing oxygenated water, which is supposedly better for athletes because it prevents any bloating from drinking water or something like that (Personally, I think it's a trick to make people THINK regular water makes them bloated and less capable of doing athletic things, but what do I know, I don't do much more than walk and occasionally jog to catch the bus.) Then of course, there's carbonated water, which is all they drink in Europe and if you've ever read any of my Europe blogs you would know that I HATE IT. And I'm sure I missed a lot of other kinds(?!?), but come on people. Water is water.

Blurry, yes, sorry.
That's the risk you take when
you're a wildlife photographer.

1. Go to the bathroom in it. I talked about this in my Peeing In The Shower post earlier this year and again in Let's Save The Environment. Basically, what I said was WHY DO WE EXCRETE OUR WASTE INTO PERFECTLY CLEAN DRINKING WATER?!? It seems like cats and dogs have been hinting at us forever that we should be drinking out of there because they freaking love it. Like, I know cats who are excited when the toilet is flushed because they're reminded that there is delicious, cold water to be had in that big white thing that their owner sits on sometimes.

So, there you go. The weirdest thing about all this is that what we don't do enough of is actually drink water. Even in Canada where most of the world's fresh water is, a huge portion of the population is clinically dehydrated and they don't even know it. And, there's no way that I avoid doing all of these things. Just a few minutes ago, as I stopped to take a break to pee into some fresh water, I realized that my tap has been on just a little bit since the last time I was in there, probably a few hours ago. I am definitely just as guilty as everyone else, and frankly, until a war over water breaks out, I probably won't stop wasting it, because I'm a human, dam it. (Sea what I did there?)

Stop Being Violent On The Internet

Hi internet readers. I know, it's been a long time since I've posted. It's just that I've been terribly busy (no I haven't.) So, today, I'm supposed to be writing my resume, but instead I'm doing 1000 other unimportant things.

Also, it's Remembrance Day. If you don't know, this is the day that Canadians pay respect to everyone who gave their lives for our freedoms and specifically to this post, our right to free speech. Which, of course, includes my right to blog about whatever I feel like AND to insist that everyone reads it.

Okay, so, there has been some controversy about a "white poppy movement." Here, read this COMPLETELY TERRIBLE ARTICLE by the Toronto Sun which is the worst newspaper ever and displays biases and generalizations like it's its job. Actually, don't read that article. Read this one, because it actually gives you real background information. Please keep your eyes out for the word "alongside." It's important.

So, I'm getting to the point, just hold your horsies. I don't personally have a really strong opinion about the white poppy one way or the other. I personally choose to wear a red one, even though it doesn't really seem like it because I usually lose my poppy within 4 minutes of putting it in my coat. I think I've gone through 6 of them so far. Buuut, my opinion on that isn't really relevant.

So, if you didn't read the articles that I told you to read because you don't do everything that the internet tells you to do, here is a quick rundown of some info that you'll need to understand the rest of this babble. Feel free to skip if you're familiar with the situation.

1. A group in Ottawa has been trying to bring back the white poppy which is supposed to represent peace and anti-war.
2. Many people have taken offence to this movement, saying that it is disrespectful to the veterans who fought to ensure our rights to free speech and free lives.
3. Apparently somewhere along the way someone claimed that the red poppy glorifies war.
4. The red poppy people have been rage tweeting/commenting/facebooking for like a full week about it.

Okay! So here FINALLY is what annoys me about this situation. I will write it in bold. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you can threaten to kick them in the face and wish shame upon their entire existence and the existence of their children and their children's children. Seriously, it's kind of funny, because you're trying to argue against the glorification of violence by threatening violence. Wait, what? That doesn't make sense! 

So, now let's apply this to the bigger picture, because that's how we make changes in the world, or something. (There's a piece of life advice there somewhere, I know it.) I'm going to use some more bold font. Why do we think we can say whatever terrible, rude, violent, mean thing we want on the internet? It's actually so dumb. Yes, it's much easier to say whatever you please when you don't have to look someone in the face or hear their reactions. Why do you think I love pizza places that let you order online so much? (Because I'm terrified of the phone.) But is it RIGHT to say whatever mean thing you want to say to a person? No, it is not right. So stop doing it. Unless it's directed at a celebrity, then it's fine.

There are so many other fun things you could be doing on the internet. If being a total a-hole in the comment section of a website is the most fun thing you can come up with, you should probably go talk to a therapist about your childhood. Maybe keep a journal beside your laptop and you can express yourself there. Surely if your opinion is important enough, whatever you write there will be published as part of your memoirs sometime in the future or it'll be discovered post-apocalypse and be interpreted as some sort of religious text.

So, come on everyone. The internet is a place to come together and share happiness, not to call people names and wish them the worst. Life is tough enough without trolls releasing their troll-sorcery and vexing our first born children.

The Middle Armrest

This is a classic dilemma that plagues trains, movie theatres and waiting rooms all over the world. It's also an issue I think about for probably a lot longer than necessary every time I'm faced with the problem. Who gets the Middle Armrest?

This situation is easy to resolve if the person in the seat adjacent to you is someone you know. You simply ask, "Hey, can I use this to rest my arm on?" And if they're cool, they'll say, "Yeah, for sure." If they're your sibling though, they will NEVER LET YOU HAVE IT. It's in the Sibling Code of Conduct: Section 15: Paragraph 3: A sibling will under no circumstances voluntarily allow their brother/sister to use the middle armrest without A) Constantly nudging said brother/sister's arm or B) Making a scene.

I don't make up the rules.

I know it's also possible to share the armrest, yes. But only with someone you know. Touching elbows with a person who you don't know is, for lack of any other word that could possibly describe it, awkward. But it's weird that it's so awkward. It's not like the elbow is a particularly erogenous zone. I think it's actually probably the least sexy place on the body. So that can't be the reason. I personally think that we find accidental elbow touching so weird because it's usually so unexpected. And I always panic. Like, should I look at them now? Should I apologise for brushing their body part with my own? Should I ignore it and pretend it didn't happen? Are we better seat-friends now that we've had physical contact? These are all things that go through my head when I experience an accidental elbow-brush.

So who gets the armrest? I usually stick with the opinion that if the other person was there first, they get first dibs. If they seem uninterested after a while, then I take it over, at least for a little bit. That seems reasonable. But the real problem for me occurs when I was there first and someone sits down and immediately claims the armrest. This person is probably a little more up front about things and they're also A HUGE A-HOLE. I'm mostly joking, but I do always get a bit annoyed. Like, this person thinks they're the freaking Roman Empire or something.

Then there's always the "No one uses the armrest just in case," scenario. What if the other person needs to get up to pee and needs to balance themselves with the armrest? What if there is a shoulder cramp and the other person needs more elbow room? What if they're reading a particularly shocking novel and they need to grab the armrest for support? If your arm is there, you're going to impose on their armrest emergency, and no one wants that.

The funny thing is that there is one option that almost no one ever goes for, and it's the easiest one: Ask if your seat-mate minds if you take up the armrest. I think it shows respect and appreciation for your fellow human beings. It says, "I know you're here, and I know this armrest is partially yours, and I welcome your opinion." But I hate talking to people, so this fantastic citizen will never be me.

Standing In Lines

I was thinking about this at the airport a few weeks ago:




Think about how well-trained humans are. Like, we don't have to stand in lines, but here we are, standing in lines. I could just kick the lady in front of me and get my coffee first, but I don't because that's rude, for some reason. It's no longer "fend for yourself," it's "first come, first serve." If our ancestors had lived with that philosophy, we wouldn't even be here. "No, you were here first, you kill the buffalo and take it back to your tribe. I'll wait for the next one." "Oh, you people lived here first? Okay, I'll build my new civilization somewhere else. Thanks for your time, sorry to disturb you. Thanks for teaching us how to make popcorn." (That popcorn thing with Native Americans and Europeans is a lie, it's believed that popcorn was invented in Peru. Fact that you can share next time you're at the movie theatre and you want the cashier to hate you.) I'm not saying I'm against taking turns. I actually enjoy it, especially in situations where I'm first in line. I'm just saying it's so against our nature in some ways, which is why we get so testy once we've been in a line for a while, I assume.

It's just like lines on a road. (It's not really JUST like it.  It's actually a bit of a weird connection but just go with it, okay?) A road line is just paint spilled strategically on asphalt. But we listen to them. And more than that, we trust them, like they're protecting us. Like the person on the other side of the road can't possibly just decide to steer into oncoming traffic because da da da da da da! Solid line to the rescue! NO! It's not like if you go to cross a road line you just smash into an invisible trampoline and pop back to where you're supposed to be. If I want to swerve all over the road, is a line going to stop me? NO! I mean, the police might, but a line can't do anything. It's a line on the ground! I really don't think I have to point that out. But for some reason, we listen to the line, and we trust that other people are going to obey the line too.


Okay, I might have gotten off topic. Standing in lines! I mean, it's so weird that we just automatically do it. Like, since Kindergarten, we've been lining up for stuff. I think 38% of our lives are spent in lines. Fact, maybe.


Let's think about cows. Cows take turns. Wait, do they? Maybe that's just in cartoons. I don't really pay a lot of attention to what cows do. Cats don't take turns. Cats are smart predators who follow their own rules. Cows are dumb animals who are herded and treated like crap and then chopped into food. Does standing in lines makes us dumb like cows? Or smart because we've socialized ourselves and created a more efficient system? Or are we all wasting time standing in lines? Could our lives be more efficient if we ignored queues? Or would we live a lonely life because everyone would hate us for skipping the lines? Have you ever thought about lines this much? Are you even reading anymore?




What about lines on lines on lines? Like, you stand in line to get into a concert, and then you stand in line for coat check, and then you stand in line for beer, and then you stand in line at the merch table, and then you stand in line for beer, and then you stand in line for the bathroom, and then you stand in line for beer, and then disorganized chaos of the pit happens, and then you stand in line for the bathroom, and then you stand in line to get your coat, and then you all push crazily out the door and run to your cars, and then you sit in line to get out of the parking lot. And then the whole driving and staying in the line thing happens. We shouldn't call it "going to a concert," we should call it, "going to the queues." Because that's what most of it is.




Well, hopefully you're standing in a line at this exact moment, reading this and contemplating your life and how many hours you've spent wasting it in line-ups. Or maybe you're thinking that it has improved the human race and proved that we are civilized. Or maybe you're eyeing the guy in front of you and judging whether or not you can take him if he gets mad after you cut in front of him. Or maybe something else. I don't know your life.

Let's Save The Environment

So, if global warming is the big deal that everyone says it is (ACTUALLY, I suggest you look up "global cooling" because that's actually much more terrifying) I think we should be sacrificing our lavish lifestyles a little more, don't you think? So, I have made a list of some ideas that I have to save the environment!

1. Tear out toilets. Toilets are, in my opinion, kind of the most pointless human invention out there. Like, even more pointless than *insert whatever human invention you think is the most pointless here*. If we really want to save the environment, we would stop pooping into our fresh water and instead we would drop our waste in holes in the ground and use our poop as fertilizer or fuel or maybe even act like rabbits and eat it a second time to get out ALL the nutrients. (Sorry, maybe that one was too far.)
2. Night Vision Goggles. No more lights. Just goggles. If you can't get yourself some goggles, this is not our problem. Get goggles or you will be attacked on the street in the night or stub your toes at least 16 times a day because lights will no longer be allowed.
3. Remove remote controls. This would not only save a lot of batteries for more important things like all the intense situations in Duracell commercials, but it would also pretty much a. solve obesity (Getting up to change the channel is basically a work out for some people.) and b. encourage kids to read more (Because I would sure as hell rather read than stand at the TV and flick through the channels until I find something good to watch.) which are two extreme first world problems, I believe.
4. Work while you work out. People are at the gym on the treadmill or that stationary bike thing (I don't go to the gym, I don't know names) and all that precious energy is completely going to waste. We need to hook that stuff up to something rather and use all of the generated energy for other things instead of just pumping it randomly out into the wilderness. This one seems beyond obvious to me and I bet aliens have already figured out how to secretly harness all of the energy that is created on those bike things. Also, all track races should take place on a track that can take advantage of the energy somehow as well. Like, in human sized hamster wheels. This idea has probably already been explored but I don't see why we aren't doing it. Gym classes in schools - instead of running laps you do a few minutes on the hamster wheel to charge up the lights. It's the same thing as laps so it's not unethical!
5. The Subway solution. Statistics say that Subway restaurants cause 15% of the content in landfills due to the amount of paper they use when they wrap up their subs. (Note: There may not actually be any statistics that say this.) If Subway used less paper, we would pretty much have this crisis taken care of and we would also be able to eat our subs without folding, tearing, crumpling and swearing.

Share your ideas in the comment section!

Peeing in the Shower

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I know virtually nothing about cleanliness. I have a fork sitting on my desk from two days ago that I'm too lazy to wash or bring to the sink.

Let's start this one out with a simple statement: Humans are disgusting. That being said, there are certain degrees to our disgustingness. And I have a feeling that different circumstances call for different amounts of cleanliness. And also, people have different opinions about what is "clean" and what is "dirty." Additionally, I don't really know where this paragraph is headed, so let's start again.

Humans are gross. Regardless of how many times you shower today, dude, you're probably mostly just moving various germs and dirt particles around to different areas of your body with your sketchy loofah that your roommate probably secretly uses sometimes because he's too cheap to buy his own. (Note: If my roommate is reading this, I DO NOT use your loofah. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want to rub your skin particles all over me if I can avoid it.)

You can wash your hands as many times as you like but there's no escaping germs. Think about this: How often do you rub your hands on your pants? If you're cursed with extremely sweaty hands like I am, you probably do it all the time. And how many germy surfaces do you touch before you rub your hands on your pants? If you're like me and you love touching germy surfaces, then the number is probably pretty high. So, think about how many germs your pants have accumulated. I only bring this up because when people tell you to open doors with your sleeves and to not touch homeless people, they totally overlook the fact that your pants are probably just as disgusting, if not more disgusting, than both of those things.

I really hope that last paragraph benefitted your life in some way. It's just an epiphany I had and I thought I should share it. But please, don't take it as a go-ahead from me for you to go pantless in public.

The fact is, most people don't even know how to properly wash their hands. I'll admit that I probably do a terrible job of it, even though I've watched countless scenes of Grey's Anatomy where the characters have super intense conversations about life while "scrubbing" their hands before surgery.

"But the title of this post is peeing in the shower and you have not addressed shower urination at all, Alene!" Hold your horses, loves, I'm getting there. I'm about to make a somewhat taboo statement.

Of all the dirty things in this world that humans do, I feel as if peeing in the shower is the least gross. Let me rephrase this: I actually think it's cleaner than most things humans do. Hear me out.

Pee is sterile. Also, you pee in the shower, you wash your hair, the shampoo runs down your body and into the drain and everything is all soaped up and "clean" again.

I think we would all be shocked and disgusted if we could somehow find out how often we come in contact with pee during our lives. Those pants you bought at Value Village? Some drunk chick peed herself on the street in those. Lying in that field with the love of your life, looking at the stars? A badger chose that place to relieve itself yesterday. And guess what? You did not die because of this pee. (Again, I am not a medical professional and if it is possible that death can occur from laying in badger pee, please correct me.)

But the fact is, pee is not a big deal. There are plenty of far worse things to worry about. And besides, some people even like it. (Whoa, we won't go there today. Hopefully we'll never have to go there ever. I'm not that pro-pee, thank you.)

And who was it who decided that humans HAVE to pee in the toilet? The toilet is literally one of the most ridiculous human inventions ever. "Oh, let's take our fresh water, sh*t in it, and then flush it away." But dogs have to go to the bathroom outside because they're not important and we don't mind looking at their poop so much. Why is human excrement so much scarier to see than other animal's? So many poop-related questions. I think those are for another day, though.

Now please, I did not say that I personally pee in the shower, I just said that I don't have a problem with it. And also, sometimes you just really have to go. I hope I don't lose any friends because of this. There are plenty of way dirtier things to worry about, like the guy who just picked his nose, then examined all the apples at Metro or the weird waiter who licks all the cutlery before putting it on the table. With that in mind, have a nice night, and order only finger foods at the pub later.

Kissing Is Weird

I assume you read the title of this post, so, I don't think I really need much more of an intro than that. Kissing is WEIRD. It is. Press your face up against someone else's for a little bit. Touch your mouths together. Your mouths, where bacteria and all kinds of yucky stuff lives. And then tongues get involved and SERIOUSLY?! That's disgusting.

Why is it that sharing a tooth brush is considered absolutely horrid, but we can rub our saliva all over each other's mouths and that's super romantic or hot or attractive or whatever it is?
And you wouldn't walk up to someone you don't know at a bar and take a sip from their drink (I say this, but a guy definitely walked up to me at a bar once and drank half my beverage but I think he may be an exception to the rule because I was in Montreal and everything is backwards there.) I do, however, know plenty of people who would walk up to a person and start kissing them.

Now, I'm not really a big germaphobe. I don't believe in the ten-second rule, I believe in the however-long-it-takes-me-to-see-it-and-pick-it up-off-the-ground rule (with exceptions to certain questionable locations such as bathrooms and airplane tray tables.) But retrieving your food off the ground is a matter of survival and environmental friendliness! Touching your tongue against another person's is not.

It's like when suddenly you're in a relationship with someone (this counts friendships, because friends do this to) it's okay to take a sip from their drink because clearly if you know this person they must not be carrying any diseases or dangerous bacterias. And everyone who you don't know very well must have a mouth crawling with the plague, obviously. For instance, one time at Costco my mother took a drink of what she thought was my beverage, but it was actually just a cup that had been left on the table from the previous inhabitant (BTW this is a pet peeve of mine. Throw out your damn cup, you lazy jerks.) Anyway, so Mom takes a sip, before I could inform her that this was not my cup. She of course proceeded to spit the contents out, which I think is a natural reaction. But think about it: Why is that cup any less sanitary than drinking out of my cup? I don't think there is any such thing as a clean human mouth, so what's the difference? (In case you were wondering how the Costco story ends, I was scolded for not throwing out Mr. Lazy's cup before I sat down because I was supposed to foresee that my mother was not going to buy herself a drink and was just going to steal mine. Sorry, Mom. My intentions here are not to sound like a brat, I just feel as if you should have purchased your own beverage. I'm a thirsty girl.)

This is a PG blog, so I'm not even going to get into how weird other things humans do together are (again, if you really think about them. And more so if you take a quick surf through urbandictionary.com. It's a real eye-opener.) No, actually, let's talk about it. Why (why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!) is it acceptable to put our mouths ALL up in other people's unmentionable areas? It's not even like this is an animalistic thing, really, because I think only monkeys and dolphins do it too, and they're like super smart. But probably I'm being extremely ignorant to all kinds of knowledge and studies that say differently. Whatever. Anyhoo, we all know what comes out of those areas, correct? But I'm doubting I could find a lot of people who would lick the inside of a toilet bowl. See what I'm saying here? Yet, this is an acceptable (to some extent) practice.

So, we can put our mouths all over each other, but when a dog comes along and tries to lick the remnants of your breakfast burrito from the corner of your mouth, that's disgusting and you have to go rinse your mouth out and spit for like ten minutes and cut your lips off. Okay, to be fair, that dog was just licking its butt and eating a dead squirrel but for all you know the guy you kissed at da club last night also enjoys the occasional road-kill snack. I'm not saying making out with your dog is something that should start happening, but I'm just saying I think it's funny what we deem as gross and what we deem as a fun past-time with another person.

Unsanitary-ness aside, kissing is also weird in the way that dancing is weird. Waving your limbs around and wiggling. Have you ever stood above a dancefloor and just watched everyone? It's actually hilarious, regardless of how "good" a dancer you are. (I know we're getting off topic, but I actually think that the most ridiculous-looking dancers are the "professionals." I'm possibly way over-thinking or over-analyzing the act of dancing. But over-thinking is what I do. That's why this post exists.) Anyway, kissing, shoving your mouth against another person's. Or against their forehead or cheek or whatever. For birds, this exact action is called pecking and it's an act of aggression (I assume, because I know essentially nothing about birds.) And this is arguably the most sincere way we have of telling people we're attracted to them or we like them or whatever. Or at least that's what movies teach us.

I don't want to get into the psych behind kissing or the biological reasons that we enjoy it, I'm just saying that it's weird when you look at the big picture.

In case you want to check out someone else's view on the weirdness of kissing, I found this fun article as well, on a website that I personally enjoy very much. I found this AFTER I wrote most of my post so there is no plagiarism involved, you scholarly jerks. Study: Kissing is Really Weird from hahajk.com.

Newborn Babies Are Ugly

I'm sure about half of the people who clicked this link did so because they recently had a child or a family member recently had a child or they recently found a child on the side of the road or something and they're thinking, "You, Alene, are a numbskull. Babies are cute. Look how cute my baby is." I should probably start out by saying I'm sorry, people who recently kidnapped a baby, but you are blinded by love and therefore have no say in the matter at this time.

Babies - not talking two year-olds but actual, fresh-out-the-womb babies - are ugly.

Let's look at exhibit A:
















I'm sorry, that's a really terrible example because that is the most gorgeous child I've ever seen. (It's me.) To be fair, I'm not actually "fresh-out-the-womb" here. But I couldn't let you miss out on the opportunity to see this absolute gem of a photograph.

Here's exhibit B, a photo of me right after being birthed from the canal:





















Okay, I actually couldn't find a picture of me that young, but this is close enough. Babies (and I guess old people too if you're going to be an argumentative a-hole) are the human equivalent of raisins. And no one in the history of ever has ever called a raisin "cute."

I bring up this baby issue because I always have to laugh when people comment on Facebook photos and tell someone that their baby photo (you know, the one where the baby is practically still covered in slime and the new mother looks like she just shoved a watermelon out of unmentionable places?) is super adorable. I can't deny the fact that I've done this a time or two. But really, when we say it, do we mean it? I mean, yes, babies are tiny versions of people, which I guess is almost, sort-of, in a way an aspect of cuteness. But they're not mini-jar-of-Cheez-Whiz-cute (those little jars make toast a more adorable meal!) I don't even know the difference between your little bundle of joy and the bundle of joy that ruined my entire Boston Pizza experience by screaming and crying and pooping.

And it's not even like newborns do anything fun. They just blink and blow spit bubbles, which I'm sure is totally great if you're one of the people who contributed the ingredients for making this kid, or one of the people who distracted the doctor while your partner stole it. And that's exactly why recent parents or hijackers (?) of children are not allowed a say in this. You're too emotionally involved.

And here's the other thing - human babies are possibly the wimpiest things in the entire animal world. I think they're second only to baby opossums:

Freaking disgusting, right? But at least opossums have the excuse of only being in the womb for 12 days. 12. That was not a typo. 12 days. Humans are in there for almost 300 (Look, we're learning things!) and they still won't be mature enough to do your evil bidding for at least a few years after they're born.

And of course, there is a point where kids are cute. That point comes somewhere between when they learn to walk and when they learn to talk. Other than that, they're either a raisin, or a dirty, snot-covered brat. (I really do apologize if I offend people. But the internet is a place for honesty and truth-telling.)

Afterword:
Maybe, one day, when I give birth to my own child (fingers crossed that they've figured out teleportation at that point and can just beam the thing out of me) I'll feel differently about the matter. But at that point my opinion will not matter because it will have been compromised by the little angel who "has my eyes." (How the flying Fudgesicle can you even tell?!?! The thing's face is just a bunch of raisin folds that kind of resemble a human being.)

Public Restrooms

If you're a human being, which I assume you are, there are certain bodily things that you cannot avoid. These bodily things often bring us to the most terrifying place known to the world. I'm talking about public restrooms. We could go on and on about what makes a public bathroom so scary, but I've narrowed it down to a list of the top 5 scariest things (according to me) about public bathrooms. (I'm talking specifically about the women's bathroom. I do not know what happens in the men's and I do not care to.)

5. That lady who you watch leave the stall and walk directly out the door without even pretending to wash her hands. Thank you, Lady, for wiping your genital germs all over the door handle and subsequently all over everything in the mall/all the plates in the buffet/all the play place balls at McDonalds.

4. The giant group of girls who are all checking their hair and make-up and I just want to wash my hands and get back to the giant plate of nachos that I didn't plan on sharing with anyone but now my friends are probably feasting on them, excuse me please! This was always the worst between classes in high school when girls would go to reapply their make-up after every class. Actually, when I think about it I'm not sure if it was the same girls doing this every break or if it was just that half the girls in my high school looked exactly the same. Regardless, this is intimidating for me since I often go to the washroom alone in order to avoid inconveniencing my friends or whoever despite the golden rule of girlhood which states one must always go to the bathroom in a group.

3. Everything is always wet. I don't really think I need to explain why this is disturbing, so all I will do is pose this one simple yet baffling and disturbing question: What exactly IS this liquid that is covering EVERYTHING?

2. Running out of TP. This is always the worst. And jeepers, what if you broke female tradition and went to the bathroom by yourself? And so you have to ask a stranger beside you for some and she's probably been sitting in that stall all day waiting for someone to ask her for TP because that's how she chooses her next murder victim. TP tip courtesy of my mother: When in a TP pickle, just use the TP roll itself. (It should be noted that this is a solution that only works when peeing. If other functions have occurred, you're, forgive me, SOL.)

1. Making eye contact with someone through the crack in the stall. This is by far my worst fear. I have a recurring nightmare where I have to use a public bathroom and there's no door on the stall or there's no stall at all. (This is a true story. I have it ALL the time.) And think about this: How often do you look up when you're using a public bathroom? Never. Someone could be standing on the toilet in the next stall and watching you. I'm just saying, there are some creepy people out there. And let's not overlook those pesky little brats crawling around on the ground and looking under stalls. Has this ever happened to you? It happened to me sometime during my pubescent years and I don't think I ever recovered from it. But back to the crack thing (that's a joke that cannot be avoided in this case.) I know most people don't mean to do it, but sometimes your eyes get a little bit out of control and you accidentally peek. I can't be the only person who this has accidentally happened to (Please tell me I'm not the only person this has accidentally happened to.) So, regardless of what side of the stall door you're on, that crack in the stall door is a dangerous thing.

You may have noticed that I left out the thing that most people are most afraid of. You all know what I'm referring 2. But I was trying not 2 get 2 graphic and it generally goes without saying, so I left it out. 2. (<---- Did you figure it out yet?)
So now, please forward this to your friend who just dragged you to the bathroom with her even though you didn't have to go in hopes that she'll hurry the hell up so you can get out of this wretched place. And remember, wash your damn hands!

Stuff You're Going To Need After The Apocalypse

People are always so concerned about surviving the apocalypse. But anyone who knows anything about the end of the world knows that survival mostly involves luck and being in the right place at the right time. People always forget that once they survive the horrors of whatever apocalypse claims Earth first, they're going to be stuck in a chaotic, unorganized and unpredictable society. So, here's a list of stuff you should be hoarding (in a safe place where it won't be destroyed!) in order to survive AFTER the apocalypse. Some of it is obvious, but it's often the obvious things that you overlook.

Weapons
Shot Gun - I'm not a believer in owning guns, but you know you're gonna need it if zombies turn up. And please store ammo too, or else you're going to look pretty dumb.

Sword - If you've been watching the new television program Revolution, then you're aware that everyone is having sweet sword fights after the power goes out forever. Swords don't need ammo. I think it should be noted that it will be useful for you to actually learn how to handle a sword before the end.

Dog - Your furry friend can and should be trained to be a reliable post-apolcalypse tool. He/she can be used to fight your enemies but also to help find food and for cuddling at night. Unfortunately, cats will not be useful in the same way dogs will be. For one, humans will only hinder a cat's survival. For another, it was probably cats who caused the apocalypse so they're all going to be gathering in their secret volcano lair and laughing and laughing and laughing. Note: Don't keep the dog IN the survival kit that you have most likely buried underground for protection.

Health
First Aid Kits - Is this beyond obvious? Yes. But it needed to be said. I'm not a medical professional, so I'm not going to tell you exactly what should be in your first aid kit. Please bring that question to your doctor next time you're in for a check up. Make sure to specify that you may need some medical supplies to deal with strange diseases, nuclear fallout, zombie bites, killer ants, bipedal cats or possibly even Bieber fever.

Pain Killers - You're probably going to hurt yourself a few times during or after the initial chaos. So maybe you want your bruises to be a little less painful. But if you can avoid being a little wimp and save these up, you might be able to use them as a form of currency when you come across less manly and awesome people than yourself.

Antibiotics - In case your doctor failed to point out to you that there will probably be no hospitals after aliens destroy half the planet, so one little infected hangnail and you could die.

Saw - You're possibly going to need to chop off your brother's arm because he got bitten by a contaminated something rather and is going to shrivel up into a shell of his former self unless you get the poison out immediately. Also, wood for fires.

Coats/Boots/Hats/Socks - Because it is very possible that all of your other belongings have been destroyed in the nuclear bombing/, it is very important that you keep these things in your super safe, underground, reinforced hiding place.

Plant Identification Book - So you don't eat anything poisonous, obviously. And maybe take a look at it beforehand and see how good you are at identifying stuff. We don't want any Into The Wild situations, right?

Toe Nail Clippers - Something that crosses my mind all the time when I'm watching movies and shows where people are trying to survive out in the wilderness is, "Oh my goodness, their toe nails must be long and uncomfortable. How are they running right now?" So, avoid this problem by sticking some clippers in your kit.

Filled Canteen - It might be difficult to find water at first, so it would be good to store some so it will be there immediately. And of course the canteen can be refilled if and when you locate a safe water source. Hopefully the apocalypse was not the result of a water-born disease that turns you into a Gill-Man look-a-like and the corresponding chaos that a bunch of creatures from the black lagoon would cause.

Brita Pitcher - We developed water purifying technology. You're not gonna not use it.

Trail Mix And Other Unparishables - A can of beans could go a long way when you're starving after 36 straight hours of dodging meteors.

Seeds - Once you've established a community, you're going to want to have constant access to food. Planting your own is a great idea, don't you think?

Sperm and Eggs - In the event that aliens come down and zap all of our genitals or we all become infected by a disease that prevents reproduction or men all grow tentacles and women don't want to touch them anymore, we're going to need some way to keep the human race going. And all the hospitals and sperm banks probably haven't placed these goods in indestructible places so the sperm and eggs that you keep in your kit are our only hope. (I've been trying to get Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone to donate to the cause but they won't return my tweets.)

Shelter
Sleeping Bag - Preferably a really good, insulated one. I was going to include a full tent in my list, but I thought a tent would be too big and really all it does is make you unable to see people approaching you to kill you and steal all the amazing things that you were smart enough to store for yourself ahead of time. And besides, you can hang a sleeping bag in a tree and it can be a roof for you, if that's what you're concerned about.

For Trading
Alcohol - Not only can booze clean out wounds, but this is going to be extremely useful as currency once society starts getting back together. Just try not to succumb to alcoholism or you'll be the crazy person trading someone else your boots in return for a shot of whiskey.

Lighter Fluid - Okay, you might want this to make campfires and burn down militia camps and stuff, but post-apocalypse, my suggestion is to use the least amount of it as possible. Because other people are going to want it. And you're going to want things from other people. (This is the concept behind trading, people!)

Batteries - There's going to be some crazy, violent warlord out there who just wants to listen to Matchbox Twenty on his walkman. Give him these batteries and you will be allowed to live, probably.

Light Bulbs - If electricity is still a thing, these could definitely be a hot item that people want. Of course, since you're not afraid of the dark, you don't need these and you can trade them for a Sno Ball.

Miscellaneous 
Twinkies - I assume everyone has been buying as many Twinkies as they can in response to the death of Hostess, so this shouldn't be too tough. Did you see Zombieland? You're gonna suddenly want a Twinkie and you're gonna get yourself into all sorts of inconvenient situations trying to get one. Also, it's possible that they're going to be good for making shelters with.

Soap - Yeah, this might not be useful immediately after the world meets it's fiery collapse, but once the dust settles, you're going to miss a good shower. It's the little things.

Books - Anarchy will probably be all the rage after the world goes to crap, so it is important that you keep a piece of literature that is important to you because all the other books are going to be set on fire. Literacy is going to be forgotten in the years after the apocalypse (probably) but it is important that you pass it on so that eventually we can have a civilized society again. Personally, I've stored Bossypants by Tina Fey because it's funny and because if this book is found and treated like the Post-Apocalypse Bible, lame and awkward chicks like me are going to be revered and protected.

Can Opener - If anyone has seen or read The Pianist, then you're familiar with what is possibly the most disappointing and heartbreaking scene ever. This starving man finally finds a can of food in one of the crumbling buildings of the Warsaw ghetto. But he has no way to open it. Don't let this happen to you. You're going to need all the help you can get finding food.

Rope - This has an unbelievable number of uses. Tie your food into a tree. Help make a shelter. Tie up possible enemy spies. Retrieve someone who fell into a large crevice. And of course if things in the aftermath are just too unbearable to you... actually we aren't going to venture down that dark path.

Knife - Like I should even need to tell you what this is for. But I will. Skin your prey, stab your enemies, whittle sticks when you're bored at night. I suppose you can even use your knife as a method of taking drugs, however I wouldn't suggest self-handicapping yourself by being high all the time.

Needle and Thread - I know it's the end of the world so fashion is probably not a big concern, but if there's a huge rip in your pants and you're trying to run away from giant mutant squirrels or there's a really strong breeze, you're going to want to be able to sew that up. Also, this could be used to give someone stitches if you know what you're doing. Or if you don't know what you're doing. Seriously, it's the end of the world, you've got very little to lose.

Cards - I'm just saying, if you find a decent shelter and food and stuff, you're going to be pretty darn bored, so you'll probably be playing a lot of Crazy 8s.

Camouflage Makeup - If you're going to be a kamikaze, you're gonna need to be able to hide. And I mean, it's possible that you'll be able to live in a somewhat civilized world, but you never know. You might have to run from the unjust law. You might have to fight the law. And also you probably look pretty sick with all that make-up on. Also, you can use this to make yourself look like a zombie. If you fit in, perhaps they'll let you roll with their gang and they'll leave your brain alone.

Useful Skills
Lock picking
Sword fighting
Trap laying
Animal skinning
Gun shooting
Fire making
Plant identifying
Shelter building
Lie telling
Face reading
Weapon making
Knot tying
Morse coding
Running away and leaving the slow people for slaughtering
Hiding for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours

A Few More Tips
Now, in the event that you end up completely alone after the apocalypse, it's probably going to be impossible for you to carry all of these things because unfortunately not all of us have the capability to enchant a bag so that there is unlimited room inside of it like Hermione did. So choose what you take carefully. This is what all those tough decisions about which weapons to use and which magical item to take in all of your favourite video games has been preparing you for.

Hopefully, however, you are able to stay in contact with your slightly psychopathic friend who you're currently only keeping around to protect you in the event of an apocalypse.

And I hope that you've thought about the possibility of an apocalyptic event happening at any time and decided to always be wearing comfortable and durable footwear. No more heels, ladies. There's no way you're going to be able to escape invading aliens in heels.

Also, it's possible that your home is still intact and you can just live there with all your stuff. Good for you! But now you'll have to build a wall around your home and set lots of traps and stuff to keep crazy psycho people from coming on your property. So you might want to store a lot of cement and barbed wire in your basement.

Finally, since the apocalypse could occur at any time, you may be caught far away from your excellent stash of post-apocalypse surviving goodies. Therefore, making a mini kit that you carry around at all times could prove to be very beneficial. Maybe include a knife, some rope, toe nail clippers, a can of tuna, batteries and one of those tiny bottles of rum (this is for yourself because it's going to be stressful thinking about all the things you stockpiled that you aren't able to get to.)

University, Children's Cartoons, and Other Things

I have a story for you.

So the other night I'm reliving my childhood by watching clips from the beloved children's film (if you can even call it a children's film because holy goodness, it's intense. Epic battle scene, much?!), The Land Before Time.

Completely-off topic-you-can-skip-over-this-if-you-want-Note: Does anyone in the world really know what the rules are with parenthesis and other punctuation? Does anyone even care? Are brackets even relevant anymore outside of BEDMAS? Just a thought. Googling it later. Anyways...

So I'm watching TLBT and loving my life when suddenly it occurs to me, "Holy fucoxanthin, these dinos are racist!" Yes, yes, it is true. Examples:

Cera: Threehorns never play with longnecks. They only talk to other threehorns and they only travel with other threehorns. 
(And at one point she calls Littlefoot's dead mom a "stupid longneck." Like, for realsies.)
Also...
Ducky: Hello. I said hello! What is your name? Maybe you cannot talk yet, huh?
Littlefoot: Don't you know anything? Longnecks don't talk to, whatever you are.

So anyways, you get the point. And by the end of the movie everyone loves each other and species doesn't matter anymore and everything is great. So I'm feeling all warm and happy and then I think, "Wow, this would be great for an essay about race relations or anti-racism!" And THEN I think, "Holy $&%@! I hate university." Because? Because it's ruining perfectly enjoyable entertainment and making me find themes and deeper meaning. I don't want to think about themes and meanings behind my favourite childhood films. I just want to laugh at the silly farcical comedy (FARCICAL?! See, it's happening again) and giggle at the more adult jokes that I didn't get when I was little. (Another side note, a bit more relevant - 13 movies later and Littlefoot and the gang still aren't grown up... Which is probably a good thing for him because what giant dinosaur wants a name like Littlefoot?)

So now I'm thinking about all my favourite childhood stories and they're all being ruined! I hate learning life lessons! And I hate thinking when I don't want to think. My brain doesn't shut up half the time. It's why I watch kids movies. They're so simple.

You know what was a good movie? The Swan Princess. And was it about accepting people even if they're different and love is blind and bestiality isn't really a big deal? NO! It was about nothing. It was just a good story. So shut up, brain.

For the record, I'm not talking about shows like Caillou and Veggie Tales that are clearly trying to teach us about sharing and not calling out the dumb kids in class for being dumb. I'm not talking about the clear societal morals that we're always trying to teach our children so they don't grow up to be major brats with babies at 16 (Wait a second, did teaching kids these lessons through television and media fail? Did they all become a little too friendly and curious because Spongebob is just a little too friendly and curious? That would be a great essay...) And for the record again, I hated both of those shows. (Caillou and the talking vegetables.) Jeepers, Caillou, listen to you parents and clean up your mess already, okay? Stop being a brat. And it was on PBS. PBS is the worst thing in the world. Except for the show Zoom. I will not argue about this any further.

I learned all my important life lessons from reading Berenstain Bears books. They were the greatest. And look, I'm basically perfect now. (*cough*)

Okay, I've gotten off topic just a bit. I hope you haven't nodded off. Let's make an awkward commute into the point that I know gets brought up by every bored English student while we're reading To Kill A Mockingbird and Huck Finn:

"What if the author just wrote that and had no intentions of providing us with commentary on racism." This statement can clearly be applied to every other book that we study and CLEARLY it does not always have to involve racism. (Whenever I'm writing things on the internet I feel as if I have to spell everything all out for everyone. I have no idea why...)

What if all of these amazing, breakthrough tales read and written about over and over again are just that? Just tales, meant to entertain. That's what storytelling is, isn't it? When my cousin used to make up stories for us when we were kids, she wasn't trying to teach us life lessons. We just thought that a bear who had gas and fell down hills a lot was hilarious. And guess what? It is. It is hilarious. And things like that will never stop being hilarious.

Unless the author comes back from the dead and says, "I'm talking about Racism, you fools!" then I don't quite buy some of the stuff people say about some literature.

So, university, STOP making me unconsciously look for themes and values in everything I watch and read. There's a time and place for deep thinking and for coming up with ideas. That time is not when I'm watching one of my favourite childhood films. UNLESS I actually need to write that essay someday, in which case, thank you for giving me such insight.

I don't think I've said a single insightful thing at all in this babbling. What does it all mean? What's the meaning of life? Who cares? We're going to die and find out eventually. Sometimes you have to take a step back from the problems and the pressures of society and just watch a freaking cartoon rabbit trick a cartoon duck into running off a cliff. And it's funny. And we laugh. And we don't know why. And we don't care why. And that's the truth.

The end.

Making Books Useful

So if you're like me and my family, you probably have shelves full of these really irritating dust collectors called "books." Like seriously, just Wiki the plot summary and get those damn things out of there. Your lungs will thank you.
The internet has summarized and scrutinized all the information that books can offer, so why bother risking a paper cut, right?
And besides, there are so many other things that books can do. (More useful things, at that.) Think about it:

"It's cold out, Mama. We have no wood." "Well, paper burns real nice. Here, Kathy Reichs has written enough fire fuel to last us all night."

"One table leg is shorter than the others!" "How much shorter?" "It's a difference of about one Great Gatsby, I'd say." "Well stick it under there, then!"

"It's Christmas eve, the presents aren't wrapped and the wrapping paper closet is filled with nothing but bare cardboard tubes. But Michael Martchenko did a hell of a job illustrating those silly Munsch books. Use those pages as wrapping!"

"The kid can't reach the sink to wash his hands." "Pile up those hardcover King books. Desperation weighs about as much as the kid does anyway."

"I always keep a hardcover copy of Jane Eyre in my purse." "Oh, well that's not exactly light reading." "No, and it's not exactly a light tap on the head when a fella gets a little too friendly either."

See? And this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to making books a little more useful around the house. Now I don't mean to get ahead of myself, but you're welcome. Sitting indoors with a book is no place for a child in this society. They're all overweight and pasty and 3400 pages of Harry Potter nonsense isn't going to fix that. So prop up your tables and warm your feet. And make a little more space on the mantle for family photos and the coyote your kid shot in the backyard.

The Bible? There's a cute website that acts out the holy book with little lego guys.

There's no place for books anymore. They're too slow. They're too bulky. And you can't keep up with the Kardashians AND read their biographies too.

Don't Eat Plants

I can't even believe the selfishness of some humans, honestly. Like just because we have all of this technology and higher cognitive function we can prey on whatever weaker species we like. And these other beings try SO HARD to stay alive. They have mechanisms and processes going on inside of them that the average person can't even begin to understand. I'm talking about plants, you guys. Poor, innocent plants.

Plants provide our world with nothing but beauty. Gorgeous forests, stunning fields of flowers, gardens that take your breath away. But humans come along, all high and mighty, and pluck these plants out of the ground like they're nothing.
It's like if elephants developed some kind of super powers and became invincible (probably after a nuclear war) then decided they would start eating humans. They could just come along and snatch you out of your car and there would be nothing you could do about it. That's what it's like when humans eat plants.

And VEGETARIANS!? They have the nerve of eating only plants. The weakest of all species on Earth and these monsters prey specifically on them. And they'll argue that they just take the fruit. That the plant will be okay. But that apple is the plant's OVARY. Yeah. What if a giant came along and plucked your ovaries out? Doesn't seem so harmless now, does it? I don't even know how vegetarians can live with themselves. They prey on the weakest of living things. They're the cruelest of humans.

"But plants don't feel anything!" Umm.. did a plant tell you that it can't feel anything? No!

Animals? Animals are pests. Animals root through our garbage and destroy our yards. They steal our babies and defecate on our cars. Plants have never done a bad thing. Except for what, grow through cracks in your sidewalk? Fallen over on your house because ANIMALS have damaged its physical stability?

If we really are a higher species, if we really are a progressive and caring race, we would do something about this issue. Have a heart. Join me. Join in the fight to protect our plant friends. Don't eat plants. 

Internet Bandwagons, Scams and Bullying

I wrote a blog post a while ago regarding Invisible Children and Kony 2012 on one of my old Tumblr blogs (you can read it here if you'd like.) The point of the whole thing was my frustration with internet bandwagons. People support a cause because it's popular to support a cause, or people post whatever because that's what is popular right now. They don't think about it, they don't do any research, and often it's something they cared absolutely nothing about before.

Recently, a young girl committed suicide because she was being bullied over the internet. The video she posted on Youtube about a month ago was truly heartbreaking and gave everyone a lot to think about. Since then #RIPAmandaTodd has been trending on Twitter, and Facebook groups have been popping up everywhere to honour her memory.

Note: The rest of this post is in NO WAY meant to be disrespectful at all to anyone. It's only something I was thinking about.
Internet bullying has been around for a long time. We've all heard about it, some of us have taken part in it and some of us have been the victims. It's easy to bully people online. You don't have to look them in the eyes. You can think about everything you want to say or do beforehand. None of this is in real time. In fact, sometimes what goes on online doesn't even feel real. There's just enough disconnection from the bully and the victim that it's easy to avoid feeling guilty.
So I was thinking, why is it that only when stuff like this happens, when a girl posts a message on the internet before she kills herself, that we step up and say we need to end bullying?
There are countless stories like this. Kids being so bullied that they don't even want to be on earth anymore. And every time one of these stories ends up in the news, people say, "we need to do something about bullying." And this lasts for about a few weeks. Facebook groups pop up, people join them and then that's that. That's all you need to do to support something, right? Share it on Facebook and then go about your daily life.

And it's not just bullying. Let's look again at this whole Kony business. One of the crucial steps in the whole Kony 2012 plan was Cover The Night - basically running around and vandalizing stuff with Kony's name and picture. I don't believe I saw one Kony poster the day after Cover the Night, although I saw so many people on Facebook claim they would be "attending" the event. People just simply forgot about it. It was too far down the road from their initial viewing of the Kony 2012 video.

But that's the thing about the internet, isn't it? Everything is changing, all the time. There's too much information going in and coming out, you can't just concentrate on one thing, and you can't show support for everything. So we join groups, like statuses and retweet messages, hoping that that'll be enough. Someone else can do the hard stuff. Someone else can teach the anti-bullying classes and send money to the children of Uganda.

And I do this too. I'm not standing on any pedestal, wagging my finger at the world for not being better citizens. It's hard to be passionate about things these days.
Not only that, but it's hard to know what groups, or organizations or sad stories are for real. There are so many internet scams created everyday. People make up sad stories and attach an unsettling photo from Google so that they can have their photo shared thousands of times.

So when things like youth suicide happen, and when the entire world knows about it, it's hard to not join the "bandwagon" isn't it? You want to seem sensitive and so you like RIP Amanda Todd on Facebook and you retweet some stuff about her.
But then you actually read some of the things on the group's wall and there are people being disrespectful there. Saying that the people who bullied her should "go die."
And all I can think is, "did you all completely miss the point?" Why did you join a group remembering a girl who wants to stop bullying, if you're just going to be rude and disrespectful (a bully) while you're there? Just because the person you're bullying is a bully, doesn't mean that what you're doing is okay.

I'm not against supporting causes, or joining groups. I'm against the complete lack of thinking that you see on the internet every day. And it's not anyone's fault necessarily. Like I said, the information being thrown at us every day is astounding. Processing it all is more work than most people even realize and so I guess it's understandable that maybe you post things without thinking, or like groups without understanding what they're all about.

In closing, all of my blabbering about bandwagons and scams aside, I hope we never have to see another news story like this. I know, bullying is something that will probably never truly go away. But we can change things and hopefully this is truly the push we need to do it. Bullying awareness is something that I always remember being a part of education (did anyone else learn the warm fuzzies cold pricklies story?) but maybe it takes a story like this one to really make it sink in.

This Is Serious: Re-freaking-cycle.

Tonight we were on a mission. In Northern Ontario wildlife is everywhere, especially if you know where to look. Driving on the backroads near the dump, we came across a family of bears (we were in the car, of course.) This was adorable, especially because one cub was running around carrying a plastic container. Total YouTube cutie stuff, you know what I mean?

As it turns out though, the cub was not running merrily with a new toy. No, the plastic container was stuck right on it's head. We rolled the windows down, only to hear the desperate wails of the terrified little guy. To make it all even more heartbreaking, the bear ran blindly right into the side of our car. That sickening thump made everything worse. And there was nothing we could do.

So here's the thing, that little bear wouldn't have been in this predicament if some idiot had recycled his plastic container instead of throwing it in the dump or (even worse) on the road somewhere. Keeping a little blue bin outside your door is not a big deal. It's not going to kill you but as I've seen tonight, it may (more than likely will) kill innocent animals.

I keep telling myself "Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck in the hunny pot all the time." But this time Tigger won't be there to help the little guy and the Mommy bear won't let Christopher Robin anywhere near him. (Children's books often give the best life lessons, but in this case they didn't teach the unfortunate truth about real life bear's lack of knowledge about man-made items)

So "Shaaaame" (Mitch Pritchett, Modern Family.) Maybe think about it a little bit before you toss "just this one container, no big deal," into the garbage, because you may have just killed an animal.

This is a classic human fault. Who cares what happens to this piece of crap as long as it's out of your house ASAP? Recycling isn't all about cutting down on garbage or stopping global warming, etc. It can effect the world much sooner than you think it will.

And that's all I have to say about that. For now.