Standing In Lines

I was thinking about this at the airport a few weeks ago:




Think about how well-trained humans are. Like, we don't have to stand in lines, but here we are, standing in lines. I could just kick the lady in front of me and get my coffee first, but I don't because that's rude, for some reason. It's no longer "fend for yourself," it's "first come, first serve." If our ancestors had lived with that philosophy, we wouldn't even be here. "No, you were here first, you kill the buffalo and take it back to your tribe. I'll wait for the next one." "Oh, you people lived here first? Okay, I'll build my new civilization somewhere else. Thanks for your time, sorry to disturb you. Thanks for teaching us how to make popcorn." (That popcorn thing with Native Americans and Europeans is a lie, it's believed that popcorn was invented in Peru. Fact that you can share next time you're at the movie theatre and you want the cashier to hate you.) I'm not saying I'm against taking turns. I actually enjoy it, especially in situations where I'm first in line. I'm just saying it's so against our nature in some ways, which is why we get so testy once we've been in a line for a while, I assume.

It's just like lines on a road. (It's not really JUST like it.  It's actually a bit of a weird connection but just go with it, okay?) A road line is just paint spilled strategically on asphalt. But we listen to them. And more than that, we trust them, like they're protecting us. Like the person on the other side of the road can't possibly just decide to steer into oncoming traffic because da da da da da da! Solid line to the rescue! NO! It's not like if you go to cross a road line you just smash into an invisible trampoline and pop back to where you're supposed to be. If I want to swerve all over the road, is a line going to stop me? NO! I mean, the police might, but a line can't do anything. It's a line on the ground! I really don't think I have to point that out. But for some reason, we listen to the line, and we trust that other people are going to obey the line too.


Okay, I might have gotten off topic. Standing in lines! I mean, it's so weird that we just automatically do it. Like, since Kindergarten, we've been lining up for stuff. I think 38% of our lives are spent in lines. Fact, maybe.


Let's think about cows. Cows take turns. Wait, do they? Maybe that's just in cartoons. I don't really pay a lot of attention to what cows do. Cats don't take turns. Cats are smart predators who follow their own rules. Cows are dumb animals who are herded and treated like crap and then chopped into food. Does standing in lines makes us dumb like cows? Or smart because we've socialized ourselves and created a more efficient system? Or are we all wasting time standing in lines? Could our lives be more efficient if we ignored queues? Or would we live a lonely life because everyone would hate us for skipping the lines? Have you ever thought about lines this much? Are you even reading anymore?




What about lines on lines on lines? Like, you stand in line to get into a concert, and then you stand in line for coat check, and then you stand in line for beer, and then you stand in line at the merch table, and then you stand in line for beer, and then you stand in line for the bathroom, and then you stand in line for beer, and then disorganized chaos of the pit happens, and then you stand in line for the bathroom, and then you stand in line to get your coat, and then you all push crazily out the door and run to your cars, and then you sit in line to get out of the parking lot. And then the whole driving and staying in the line thing happens. We shouldn't call it "going to a concert," we should call it, "going to the queues." Because that's what most of it is.




Well, hopefully you're standing in a line at this exact moment, reading this and contemplating your life and how many hours you've spent wasting it in line-ups. Or maybe you're thinking that it has improved the human race and proved that we are civilized. Or maybe you're eyeing the guy in front of you and judging whether or not you can take him if he gets mad after you cut in front of him. Or maybe something else. I don't know your life.