"Ear" Is Weird

"Ear" is a stupid word.

It's lazy! It's a lazy word. Like, think about it. It's actually just a sound that we could make accidentally. It's a sound that you could potentially hear coming from the bathroom stall next to you or something. (Sorry, too much?) Really, there are words like, "alphabet" and "onomatopoeia" that are working SO hard at being words, you know? Like, they're really just going for it! Syllables! Multiple consonants! "Ear" is NOTHING compared to those words. "Ear" is like the burnout kid smoking pot under the bleachers while "alphabet" and "onomatopoeia" are the captain of the football team and head cheerleader at the big game.

Do you know the history of the word "ear?" Probably not. DON'T GOOGLE IT! I'll tell you... Some cavemen were sitting around talking about what they were going to call stuff, when one caveman was stung by a bee right on the lobe! So he exclaims, "eeeeeeaaaaaaaaar!" and he grabbed his ear and all the other guys were like "Oog" and "Ahh" and they looked at each other and stuff (because for some reason they hadn't come up with a word for "yes" yet.) They thought he was naming the ear, and it was getting kind of late, so they just went with it. And that's where that word came from. I did a bunch of research on this, I promise. Don't worry about looking it up. 

While we're talking about body part names... What about "eye?" Are we supposed to read into the word more than we do? Are we supposed to look at the fact that they're homophones and assume that eyes are named because our true selves are found in the eyes or something lame like that? Whatever.

Anyways, this isn't a particularly important thing to write about, but it is something that I thought about pretty hard on the bus earlier today.

I Heart Words (Can My Prof Tell I'm Not Paying Attention?)

So I'm in my Children's Literature class right now. Yes, right this second. (Sorry, mom.) Children's Lit, doesn't that sound fun? It would be more fun if we were reading Dr. Seuss instead of Anne of Green Gables but I guess I shouldn't complain. (I complain anyway. I hate Anne of Green Gables.)

The class in this room before us is like chemistry or calculus or something that has numbers and symbols in it and the previous prof likes to leave it all up on the board, as if to say, "Haha, you English students have no idea what this means." Which is absolutely true. But anyways, then my prof erases the garbage on the board and starts putting up notes about Cinderella (which is actually a terrifying story about chopping off your own feet to make someone love you.) which is something I find humorous for some reason.

Today we're actually talking about a lovely book called Harris and Me by Gary Paulson, which I thoroughly enjoyed despite the fact that it's for kids. I do suggest that you read it someday or get your kids to read it. (Just get your kids to read anything. It scares me when I think about the number of people I know who never read.)

I love when profs swear. Mine just said, "You'll never find that the subtext in an adventure story is 'life's a bitch and then you die.'" Then we all had a laugh.

I recently decided to take the 50 Book Pledge. I'm really behind mostly because of school, and I'm becoming convinced that I may not make it to 50, but this is fun, and I'm almost positive that they don't send anyone to pop your eyes out with a spoon if you don't complete all 50 so I think I'll stick with it.

If you've been keeping up with my previous posts, you may know that I've been going through some lack of inspiration. But as I was searching for books to add to my "to-be-read bookshelf" for the Pledge, and I read excerpts and quotes, I found exactly what I needed. I found great writing and I knew that I wanted to make great writing too. Granted, I wouldn't exactly call any of my blog posts "great" or like the next A Man Without A Country or anything. However, I also found a spark of inspiration to start writing a story that's been hanging out in the back of my brain for a while. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited about it! Damn sleep. I hate it sometimes. I awoke this morning and the excitement was gone. (It was replaced with anger because I think everyone in the entire building I live in decided that this morning would be a fun time to slam a lot of doors.)

Since we're talking about being annoyed, I'm also annoyed because some chick decided to take my usual seat in class and I had to sit towards the back of the room. I'm pretty sure I'm going blind so my prof is extremely blurry and for all I know is an impostor. Also, my foot is asleep.

Where am I going with all of this? This is a question that maybe I ask too often. What I'm talking about is the power of books. The power of literature. The power of words in general. I love words. One of my favourite word-users, Stephen King, once said, "Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe." 

They're so much fun! There aren't a lot of things that I can name that are as versatile as words. Think about life without them. You would have just spent 20 minutes trying to use symbolism (symbolism other than letters/sounds organized in such a way that other people understand what you're communicating, that is) to order a sandwich. And what would our thoughts be like? They would just be pictures. That's lame. 

And what would comedy be? It would be all farcical. Or "fartsicle" which is a reference to the most recent episode of Parks and Recreation but is extremely appropriate at this moment. Comedy would be all fart jokes and slipping on banana peels. And as much as I enjoy watching the roadrunner outsmart Wile E. Coyote off of cliffs, I wouldn't want to rely on that for constant comedic entertainment.

Some of the most beautiful things in the world come from instances where the most perfect words are put together in the most perfect way.

Am I getting too sentimental about words? I don't think so. I think people overlook how strong and exciting words can be. They make you laugh, they make you cry, smile, think. With the exception of maybe the ocean or the grand canyon or a snow-capped mountain range or the opening scene of Up, I don't think there are things existing on Earth that are as powerful.

I mentioned Dr. Seuss. What a guy! Making up his own words. And why not? I make up words all the time. (You should see all the red underlines happening during most of my posts.) And Shakespeare practically invented half the words we use today. The possibilities with letters and words and sentences and paragraphs are endless! This is one of my favourite examples of playing with words:

r-p-o-p-e-s-s-a-g-r by e.e. cummings

I think that's a perfect place to stop. Because this might be the perfect poem. I don't know, though. Have a nice day.

My Favourite F-Bomb Dropping Tunes

Sometimes nothing turns that frown upside down like a good f-bomb dropping in a good song. Here are the songs that contain my personal favourite lyrical f-bombs:

10. Mama - My Chemical Romance - I just really like when Gerard Way wails f-words.

9. The Stand - Mother Mother - Oh, what a pleasant surprise, the song is not bleeped out, you guys are just the greatest of tricksters.

8. Fuck You I'm Drunk - Flogging Molly (APPARENTLY there is some argument over who actually sings this song, but I'm sticking with Molly on this.) - The title says it all, man.

7. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morrisette - It's around the time that the Big F is released that we know sh*t just got crazy real and we should all be terrified of this tiny lady. Actually, it might be more realistic to say we're all terrified of her from the moment that she opens her mouth in this song.

6. Minority - Green Day - I've been enjoying this particular tune since I was about 10 so I couldn't keep it off the list, could I?

5. Kill Me - The Pretty Reckless - There's just something about hearing Cindy Lou Who say "motherfucking" that makes me really happy and stuff.

4. The Art of Losing - American Hi-Fi - I don't even have anything to say about this one, just go listen to it and feel empowered and junk.

3. What Are You Looking At - The Johnstones - "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you stupid fucking sh*t." Nuf said.

2. @!#?@! - Motion City Soundtrack - This song just kind of makes me want to go on a rampage and pump my fist while I watch other people flip cars. But more importantly, it's the most fun I've ever had singing, "fuck."

1. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit - If there's one thing Fred Durst got right, it's the way he says "f**k." I don't care what anyone says.


There are obviously a billion more, and apparently I like to stick to the same genre when it comes to f-bombs. These are just my go-tos. Share your favourites below! And have a nice day.

Damn it, Dunham!

I don't know how many people caught the recent episode of HBO's Girls, or how many of you have given in to the madness surrounding the show (for the record, I started watching Girls BEFORE all the award business, so I was here first and the rest of you can stop crowding me on this wagon, okay?) For those of you who didn't watch, there are spoilers coming up so don't read any further!! (But feel free to share this post and like it and follow my blog and tell everyone about how I'm the best.)

In case any of you aren't watching Girls but for some reason have decided to continue reading, here's what happened last night:

Hannah (Dunham) got a new job writing for an internet site and decided to try cocaine with her gay ex-boyfriend/roommate Elijah so she would have something exciting to write about. Then they go to a club and la dee dah, Hannah ends up wearing nothing (NOTHING) but a mesh tank top and a really, truly terrible pair of shorts. Yeah... Then she galavants all over the city with everything ALL out and about, if you know what I'm saying and ends up making out with her creepy former-junkie downstairs neighbour. (The fact that Lena Dunham could make Hannah more awkward and naked than she already was blows my mind.) Other stuff happened too but it was mostly just your basic Marnie looking unimpressed about stuff, Shoshanna talking about losing her virginity and Jessa being hipster as f**k. 

What I'm trying to say here is, I feel that currently my daily life is not offering me a lot to write about. This is what I did today:

• Woke up at 12:00
• Stayed in bed until 2:45 watching Dexter
• Ate half a pop tart and some soda crackers at some point during the Dexter watching
• Put pants on
• Went pee, finally
• Watched an online lecture (yay, progress!)
• Ate real food (like, a real vegetable! My body was shocked.)
• Finished lecture on police selection and criminal profiling, googled serial killers for about an hour
• Watched Dexter

And here we are. No cocaine, no public nudity. Just a kind of disturbing amount of time spent on serial killers and some really bad eating habits.

That's my life right now, though. Dexter and crackers. And an above average enthusiasm for reading text books. I think it's because reading is easy and the longer I put off doing statistics homework, the longer I can avoid the involuntary eye twitch I get whenever I have to think about standard deviations. But it's also because I genuinely enjoy the stuff I'm learning right now (school doesn't suck ALL the time, kids!) But, I don't come in contact with a lot of stuff that inspires me to write.

This episode of Girls didn't bring me to this conclusion. I'm not like, "Oh my God, I need to have cocaine to write!" I wrote about socks once, for goodness sake. But it just made it painfully obvious that I've been being a tad boring lately. Which is sad, for me, because there are few things I enjoy doing as much as I enjoy writing.

So, what you should take away from all of this is that I've been having some pretty serious writer's block and I'm not really up for experimenting with drugs to fix it. You might even say I'm having serious life block, but we don't want to get too deep into like feelings and stuff because feelings are the worst. So, if I disappear for a while, don't worry. I'm not dead or locked in a basement somewhere. I'm just unblocking my life. (This only applies to my blog/Twitter presence. If you know me in real life and I disappear there, I AM PROBABLY LOCKED IN A BASEMENT OR BEING FED TO PIGS IN TINY PIECES GET HELP! Or I slept in again.)

Until then, this is where I'll be, taking frequent naps between classes, trips to Subway and textbook readings:

"I'm Done"

I am so done with people saying, "I'm done." You're done what? You're done your task? You're done the race? You're done like dinner? Oh, you mean you're like done with the human race or something?
Okay, that's reasonable. I guess you're just going to pack your suitcase and move to Mars, then, right? Or maybe just spontaneously combust on the spot?

It just frustrates me that this is a thing. And it's funny because usually the point when someone says, "I'm done" is like about half way through the argument or issue. They've just run out of things to say. Nothing is resolved. There's still that awkward, heavy conflict floating around above everyone's heads.
In fact, I feel like "I'm done" is just a continuation of the issue itself. You're trying to get the last word, you're stabbing the (person, issue, insert noun here) with a stick like, "Oh, I'm getting the last word. What are you going to say next? I'm done. There's nothing you can say after that. I win. Nana nana booboo." And it makes you seem like a (pardon my language) complete and total dick.

And what about online? Oh boy. Put up your hand if you've ever seen the "I'm done" status or tweet. Okay, how many of you put up your hands? This is the internet, you dummies, I can't see you.
So, I'm going to assume that a lot of you put those hands in the air. I do believe I've touched on this stuff in a previous post (The Boring Facebook Status Guide) because it's just that annoying. As much as I want to give absolutely no cares about your "I'm done" status, my natural curiosity gets the best of me, and I start speculating and checking your post to see if someone just gave in and straight up asked you.

And really, you sound like a dramatic l4 year old girl when you post a status like that. Possibly you are a dramatic 14 year old girl, and I can forgive you if that's the case. But there's a point where the vague, tortured teenager posts need to stop.
I'm not trying to be a Facebook Nazi, although it kind of seems like I have a heck of a lot of Facebook rules. I'm just trying to... Oh goodness, I'm a Facebook Nazi...

Anyways, my point here is that "I'm done" is kind of immature and dramatic. If you're actually "done" then that's the end. There's nothing left after that. When the pasta is done there's no more need to cook it. When the movie is done you roll up your leftover popcorn and go home. And that's all there is to it.

Done.

The F Word

The infamous F-word. F-U-See here now, wait a sec, this is a PG blog. For the purpose of keeping this as clean as possible we're going to replace the real King of the Swears with "fucoxanthin." (Fucoxanthin, for those who don't know, is some kind of pigment found in brown algae. It's literally the most boring thing on the planet. But it sounds like a really dirty word, so it works here.) Remember, for the duration of this post, "fucoxanthin" means the F-word.

Okay, so most have us have said fucoxanthin before. Whether it was because we were mad or surprised or just because it was the cool thing to do when we were 15 and now it's so hardwired in that we can't stop. Or, maybe you just like saying it. Whatever the reason, most of us have said it, whether we want to admit it or not.

Fucoxanthin is arguably the most versatile word in the English language. Look at all these uses:

1. As a noun: "For fucoxanthin's sake." "That little fucoxanthiner." Etc.
2. As a verb: "And then they fucoxanthined." - As a side note, this is my least favourite use of fucoxanthin.
3. Adverbs!: "He was fucoxanthining running from that crazy lady."
4. Pronoun: "That fucoxanthin stole all my bread."
5. Adjectives: "That was a terrible, fucoxanthining day." "Fucoxanthining Robert ate my grilled cheese."
6. Exclaimations: "Fucoxanthin yeah!"
7. To show absolute confusion or disgust: "What the fucoxanthin?"
8. As an insult: "Go fucoxanthin yourself."

And I'm sure there are many more. But the point is, fucoxanthin has all these uses. People have developed different meanings for it depending on the context.
This is the funny thing about fucoxanthin, isn't it? "Go fucoxanthin yourself" or "fucoxanthin you" are considered terrible insults, but when you tell your guy friends that you just "fucoxanthined that blonde chick from the cluuuuub" it's like the best thing ever and you get lots of high fives. (I assume. I'm not a guy, I don't know the standard protocol.) 

And why are there so many uses of it anyway? Well, my theory is that people just wanted more excuses to say it so they made it applicable in any situation.

It is a fun word to say, no denying that. What did Dane Cook say? "[Fucoxanthin] is the best word ever, because it's got the ffff and the uuhh and the KUH[oxanthin]!"

Nowadays, we hear fucoxanthin uttered ALL THE TIME. I think 34% of mothers report that their baby's first word is "fucoxanthin." (No, I didn't just make that statistic up.) (Yes I did.) So really, is it REALLY that bad of a word anymore. Is it REALLY something to be completely offended by? 

Yes, actually, I think it is. I am not a stranger to the word, that is for sure. Have you read my Twitter? But I do think that there's a time and place for it. (Twitter is that time and place because Twitter is for two kinds of people: People who do not care and Justin Bieber.)
Walking on the street or in the mall or some kind of public place, that is NOT the place for it. I guess arguably Twitter is public too and maybe we should watch our mouths (fingers?) on there too but really little kids shouldn't be on there and if you're that upset just don't read my tweets? Anyway, any time young children are around, the F word (fucoxanthin) is a no. 

I don't 100% understand the young children thing though, even though it makes me uncomfortable when people drop fucoxanthin bombs near little kiddies. What's the worst thing that will happen? The kid will repeat it? 

Well, who cares? It's a WORD. I know, words can kill or whatever. Is that a saying? Doesn't matter. What matters is what EXACTLY is it that this word represents that makes it socially unacceptable to say it? I know that language has tons of history and it's probably long and complex but I'd really like to know.

The thing about words is that none of them are actually anything, right? The word "sandwich" is not actually a sandwich, it just represents one in speech and on paper. But fucoxanthin, as we've already discovered, doesn't have just one meaning. People use it in new ways every day. There is no set definition. The only connotation we understand fucoxanthin to have is that it's bad. It's a bad word, and that's that. There is no other information that goes with it. It's just there to create a stir or make something more intense.

So what's in a word? Should we really condemn fucoxanthin as a bad word when really, there is nothing bad about it? I guess the same thing can be said of any word with negative concepts attached to it.

Am I even making sense anymore? Am I feeling bad for a WORD? A group of letters? An assortment of smooshed up sounds? I don't even know now. And so this seems like a good place to end. Here, while we're all still pondering the hard life of a word. The Sad Tale of Fucoxanthin.

A Look Inside "A Piece of Cake"

I want to start this post off with a disclaimer: REGARDLESS of the magical rule, "i" before "e" except after "c," I almost ALWAYS spell words like "piece" incorrectly. Hopefully spellcheck is on my side today and this doesn't become a problem. If I do mess up and you choose to point it out, I WILL (imagine myself) paying a hit man to have you "rubbed off," "popped," "whacked," etc. (Why are ALL Mafia slang words for killing also words for ... well... you know.)

Okay, that's over with. Now, it's time for us to examine the common idiom "a piece of cake."
DON'T YOU DARE EXIT THIS PAGE!
Yes, we are looking at "a piece of cake." Why are we doing this? We're doing this because I just spent approximately 10 minutes wondering what that really, truly, actually means (and 10 minutes is a long time in this sporadic head of mine.)

Yes, something that is, "a piece of cake" is something that is "easy." Simple. No problem. A walk in the park. Child's play. A no-brainer. Duck soup (Whaaat? I just googled "piece of cake synonyms." I have no idea what that one means.)

But why is a piece of cake "easy?"

Is it because cake is easy to eat? Well, yes, it is. But it's not the easiest thing to eat. A slice of pizza doesn't even require a fork unless you're a pompous lunatic so it is seemly a much "easier" food.

Plus cake is messy. Have you seen any kid's birthday pictures? So, cake is not easy clean up unless you lick the plate, fork, table AND kid clean.

And cake is certainly not the easiest thing to make for the baking-challenged (me.) And have you SEEN some of those super fancy, cool looking cakes before? Like, one's that look like television characters or whatever? Those are the BEST, right? But the average person will never make them because the average person isn't amazing (sorry to break it to you.)


Maybe it's that cake is a simple food. I don't think this is the case because cakes have layers (Shrek reference goes here somewhere.) They're complex. Chocolate layers, vanilla layers, custard layers, ice cream layers, icing, sprinkles. Cakes have a lot going on under the surface, you know what I mean? They're not an easy food to understand, you see?

And cakes don't symbolize easy things. They symbolize change. You buy someone a cake to celebrate something that is happening in their lives, something new. Change is not easy. Even good change creates stress and emotions. Cake is there to sooth the pain, that's the point of it, right? But change is not an easy thing to soothe. (Although seriously, if you're gonna sooth the pain of change with something, might as well do it with cake.)

The only thing that is easy about cakes is how easy it is to destroy them. Drop it, knock it over, shove someone's face into it. Is that what people mean? Are cakes "easy" because they're vulnerable?

 I feel as if I've been left with more questions than answers. If anyone can please help me to figure out the true meaning behind "a piece of cake" it would be greatly appreciated. Also, if anyone could send me some cake I would forget about the whole issue completely. If you send me a cake that looks like me, I will probably put you in my will in the future, okie dokie?

The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.

Pet Peeve of the Week: The Difference Between "Seen" and "Saw"

I don't know if this is a common grammar issue all over the place or just where I'm from. I'm going to bet its everywhere. Now, I know that English is a stupid language. (This is a common thing found all over the internet but here's a link to the first blog I found. Hilarious, give it a read.) Anyway, the thing that baffles me is that people can't get their minds around the difference between "seen" and "saw." *disgruntled sounds*

The number of times I have heard "I seen that movie," I don't even know.

"I saw that movie," or, "I have seen that movie."
"David saw me at the park," or, "David has seen me at the park."

OR

"Have you saw that movie?" NO!

"Have you seen that movie?" Yes.

Now, I'm not an English teacher, so maybe I'm wrong, but how about we make a rule that "seen" can't be by itself? "Has" or "have" need to go with it. They're best friends, attached at the hip. But "saw" has no friends and should be all alone.

Or, I read this somewhere, and it made sense to me:
Think of the use of "seen" as talking about the past, but thinking about the present.
Think of the use of "saw" as talking about the past and thinking about the past.

I understand that this may be extremely confusing so let me put it this way:
"I seen you yesterday," doesn't even sound right!! Or is that just me? I understand that maybe some people just never learned it, or they never quite understood it, but I honestly don't think it's a concept that is too difficult. And maybe it's habit now. That's understandable as well. But bad habits can be broken. So let's break them before I start breaking things over the heads of these grammar murderers.

I will admit, I am an unofficial member of the infamous Grammar Nazis (although I hate the name. I would prefer Grammar Angels or something nice like that.) But someone has to be in charge of this stuff. You can't just go making your own rules about language. Wait, that's not a hundred percent true. If you know what you're doing (kind of) there's possibility for some creativity in language. But it's a different thing if you're doing it on purpose, right? Do I sound like an a**hole? Yeah, probably a little bit, but that's just how much this grammar mistake rattles me.

This doesn't mean I don't make grammar mistakes myself. I do it all the time. But I'm also constantly looking up the proper way to say things because I don't want to write posts like this and have people call me out on grammar mistakes that I've made.

I don't have anything to say to sum this up. Just stop doing it, okay? Just stop!