This One's For the Health Nuts

This rant is brought to you by my cheese dust covered keyboard.

Okay, so I'm pretty sick of people telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. I know most people probably agree (unless you're those evil healthy freaks, in which case you've already scrolled down to the comment section to tell me I'm an idiot and my orange juice is going to kill me.) I'll eat what I want, okay?! I'm not fat, by any means (now, I'm not exactly Keira Knightly either. On that note, I could probably eat Keira Knightly in one sitting.) but I eat basically what I want. And what is it that I want to eat? The same thing everyone wants to eat, Pinky: pizza, popcorn, various cheeses, tacos and the occasional giant bowl of ice cream.

There's a few reasons why I genuinely don't give a flying fudgesicle about what all these health people have to say.

1. I'm not going to torture myself by eating broccoli all the time when I could be munching zesty cheese Doritos. This isn't to say that I don't like veggies, because they're pretty tasty. I've found very few foods that I do not enjoy. And I know that some people would call me stuffing my face with expensive chocolates and cheeses totally selfish because poor kids in Africa don't have food. Honestly people, I do my part when it comes to charity, so back off. There's no reason to eat something that I don't like, when that box of toaster strudel has opened up the freezer door to wave at me.

2. We're all going to die eventually, Dummy. No matter what you do, how you eat, how often you exercise, you're going to croak someday. And I DO NOT want my final thoughts to be, "Oh, crap, I wish I'd gotten a popcorn refill the last time I went to the movies. Extra butter."

3. Food is culture. I love to travel, and there's no way I'm going to not taste every local delicacy once or twice or until the whole plateful is gone. To understand a culture, you have to taste it (or that's what I tell myself after I'm laying in a food coma.)

Okay, so, let's sum this up. Ahem, food is good. Stop telling me I can't put ketchup on stuff (Dr. "Stupid" Oz.) Stop telling me orange juice is bad. I've been drinking it as part of a balanced breakfast my whole life and I like the commercials where the oranges do olympic events and junk. I don't always make the fattest choices. When it comes to pizza I prefer thin crust (although to be honest I would eat a pizza that had been dropped on the floor or sprayed with radiation.)

And I'm all cool with those of you who chose to live a certain way, and be all super healthy, just stop telling me about it. I honestly don't care, and the more you say about what I shouldn't eat, the hungrier I get.

Please note: I am NOT supporting the growing obesity is problem in North America. Clearly it is possible to eat what you want without looking like Majin Buu from Drangonball Z (It's a good reference, google it.)

Anyway, that's about all I have on that topic for now. (Just kidding. I'm positive you'll be seeing rants about vegetarian/vegans and people who won't feed their dogs dry dog food.) Don't forget to ask for double cheese.

Alene