s(NO)w

No one likes the cold. Argue all you want, Northern people (myself included I guess.) But I know that you're only saying you love the cold and the snow so that the rest of the world can't tell you that you're a complete idiot for choosing to live in cold places. Yes, I live in Canada. I was born here, so this isn't my fault (Hey, did you know not all of Canada gets tons of snow?!?) Okay, YES, I moved to stupid Ottawa where it's freezing and snows like crazy. That is my fault. But I will happily admit to you that snow is the devil's confetti and I HATE it.

Okay, so there are some good things about snow. Including (and limited to) snow forts, snowmen, snow globes and being able to follow the trail of the polar bear that stole your baby. Oh! And when you're thirsty at recess a nice handful of snow is super refreshing (note: at this time in human's pollution of the earth, this may result in superpowers or death.)

So, there are the good things. Now it's time for the bad. Here are a some reasons (not all the reasons) that snow sucks.

- Driving. Going 40 in a 100? Not my favourite thing. Having to guess if you're in the correct lane or not? Even farther from my favourite thing. Car chases in the snow? Google Canadian Police Chase.

- Digging your car out of the driveway. People are going to say "Oh, I have a garage, you're an idiot for not having a garage." Shut up.

- Wet feet. Snow melts, you guys. It melts and becomes water. Snow gets in your boots (or shoes because I try to avoid boots. Okay, I see where this one is partially my fault.) Snow melts in your boots and then it takes approximately 48 hours for your feet to be not freezing. And that's only if you don't have to go outside again in that time.

- Running away from enemies. Running through deep snow is very difficult. And try hiding from someone when they can follow your tracks exactly. Yeah, that's what I thought.

- Dropping money. ~$2,367,832.23 CDN is lost annually in the snow.

- Danger from above. Snow falling off branches, ledges, windowsills. And avalanches, duh.

- It's GODDAMN COLD.

And et cetera. Let me repeat: No one ACTUALLY likes the cold. No one wants their face to be so numb that they can't even feel the snot running down their chins. No one wants their fingers to turn black and fall off. And no one wants to see their backyard covered in disgusting sparkly white stuff while they sit toasty and warm with a cup of hot chocolate by the fire. NO ONE. If you say you like it, you are a liar. (Pants on FIRE. The opposite of snow. There's a joke here somewhere. Let me know if you find it.)

And STOP WRITING IT'S SNOWING STATI. God, Facebook ruins everything.

In conclusion, there's SNOW way I will ever like winter. You can sCOLD me all you want for being so grumpy about it. But it isn't nICE. (Note: I should be PUNished because those were the worst jokes that have ever been written.)