The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.

Totally Normal Things That Are Actually Pretty Weird If You Think About It

You know how sometimes you'll way over think the most simple things and all of a sudden they seem totally weird? Here's some things that are so normal, but if you really think about it, they're weird.

- Money. Why does this piece of paper control everything in the world? Like honestly, think about it, it's just a piece of paper that you could crumple up or burn or eat. What if I decided I don't believe in paper money anymore and I refuse to acknowledge it? I would probably just get laughed at but seriously, think about it. A piece of paper rules your life.

- Letting animals live in your house. This is actually totally weird. Dogs are fully capable of ripping us apart in the night, but we trust them not to and (usually) they don't. And rodents? We spend tons of time trying to keep mice and moles and rats out of our homes but then we go buy one and put it in a cage? Crazy. Cats are grumpy and they pee on our stuff but we keep them there (usually) because we've bonded with this creature that can't even talk to us. But they love us (usually) and we feel good because there's someone that needs us and someone who we can cuddle with at the end of the day.

- Dancing. Have you ever stood above a crowd of people dancing and actually watched them carefully? We look ridiculous. Waving our arms around, jiggling stuff that wasn't meant to be jiggled, making unattractive facial expressions. It's silly, really. But it lets out steam, it gives us a chance to forget about our problems and it (sometimes) lures in a potential mate. So we dance.

- High heel shoes. Why do we torture ourselves with uncomfortable footwear? What's the point? I know, it makes lady's legs look like they go up to here. And I know, men used to wear them, yes, I am familiar with portraits of British kings wearing high heels. But I just don't understand WHY. In all seriousness, we look plain silly. If someone was walking around on stilts we would think they were ridiculous, but yet it's totally acceptable to prance around in high heels, which are obviously just an illusion, making us taller. (Back up for a sec, maybe prance wasn't the correct word to use there. When I'm n high heels, it's more like "wobble around in high heels.")

- Tanning. And I don't mean in a tanning bed (Tanning beds aren't weird, they're pretty much just stupid.) I mean laying outside for hours in the crazy heat, sweating all over your Jodi Picoult book and slapping away the flies and bees. What's the point? So that we can create the illusion that we actually go outside and do stuff? Because laying on a towel by the pool isn't really considered going outside and "doing stuff." I imagine no one wants to be pasty white, and this is understandable, but why can't you just be yourself? (I suppose I can say this because I am not naturally the colour of paper like some people are, so I apologise if you have a different opinion.) Maybe it's because we have so much spare time, maybe it's so we don't look like we've been shut in our homes on the internet for weeks, or maybe it's so we look more ethnic and interesting. Whatever the reason, tanning is strange, there's no doubt about it.

- Decorating. You do it and I do it and we all do it, but when you think about it, it's dumb. Yeah, it's nice to have pretty things to look at when you're in your home. And when people show up at your house, you want to be able to show off all the nice things you have. But when you really think about the whole practise, it's wasteful. It wastes time, it wastes money, it wastes resources, it wastes space. And then whenever a new season or holiday comes along you buy more stuff to decorate with because you don't want to forget that it's Halloween, so you better put that goofy skeleton up on the wall.

- Scary movies. Humans are now so boring and safe that we have to scare ourselves with movies and games just so we can get that little adrenaline rush and feel a little unsafe. What? This is ridiculous. I feel like if creatures came from another planet and watched us do this to ourselves they would think we were insane. And maybe we are a little bit. I read somewhere once that one of the reasons we watch horror movies is to try to live the way that a psychopath or killer would live, or at least understand it. So don't tell me that humans aren't all a little bit crazy.

- Amusement parks. This is basically a similar concept to scary movies. Humans no longer have to escape large animals or go on amazing adventures or explore the planet at all anymore so where do we get our thrills? We jump onto holy-jeepers-that-was-expensive roller coasters and does anyone REALLY even like it? Like really? The point of a roller coaster is to make you uncomfortable and afraid, isn't it? So we basically put ourselves onto a giant metal machine that whips us around at crazy speeds and if ONE thing goes wrong then we'll more than likely be dead. Yes, that sounds like a very sane way to pass the time.

- Hair removal. Okay, I don't want to be super hairy or anything, but really, this stuff is natural, why are we so determined to get rid of it? It's there for a reason (or at least, it used to be.) But these days, beauty can be measured by how little hair you have on your body, right? And it's a lot of work. You get it all under control and then the next thing you know your legs are prickly and you're on your way to being Chewbacca again.

The Boring Facebook Status Guide

This is just a very short list of Facebook statuses that drive me absolutely crazy. Of course, it is very possible that additions to this will be made over time.

Starting your Facebook status with the following:
"Out with..." - the boys, the ladies, Scooby and the Gang.
"Officially..." - a high school grad, sixteen and pregnant, drinking age, a G1 driver.
"So blessed..." - to have a wonderful husband, to have a great job, to be blissfully oblivious.

Ending your Facebook status with the following:
"_____ bound!" - {insert city name}, {insert country name}, homeward.
"... for the night!" - with the girls, drunk, stats homework.

Okay, so I know that these are common things that people want to talk about on Facebook. Who you're hanging with, what's going on in your life, why you're happy, etc. I'm not concerned about the content of what you're saying as much as I'm frustrated that everyone has to say it in the exact same way. It gets boring to read your entire newsfeed and get the exact same wording for every other status. I promise you, people, there are a thousand other ways to say this stuff. And we all know the people who post these things constantly. They never write a status that isn't in the typical Facebook way. I'm not saying that doing this occasionally isn't totally fine, either. I know when you're out on the town or whatever, maybe you want your jealous ex boyfriend to see the status ASAP, so you don't want to spend 20 minutes thinking of a creative way to say it. So, this is possibly forgivable once or twice (I said POSSIBLY.) So, are we clear here? Let's make our stati just a teensy weensy bit more interesting, okay?

Oh, and there's more:
Lyrics. More specifically: lyrics that four other people have posted just minutes before you. No one wants to read the same lyrics more than once on their newsfeed. You're boring everyone.                I don't care how much you think that Luke Bryan song relates to your life right now. If someone claimed to be "drunk on you and high on summertime" two minutes before you did, you should maybe think about picking a different life theme song.

One of those internet cliche little saying things. You know what I mean. You read them on those little posters on Pinterest and then you just decide to write the thing down in your status. Yeah, it's funny, but a billion other people have posted the same thing. And there's the issue of figuring out what you actually made up and what you straight up stole from other people. This one isn't 100% annoying all the time though because there are some truly hilarious little thingys out there. This goes for quotes as well. (Have you read my view on internet quotes and these little poster things? Marilyn Monroe Didn't Even Say That Stuff)

"Like for truth is."/"tbh"/"Like for .... {anything.}" I've actually seen the same person post this status like ten different times and still get people to respond. I've always thought that this is ridiculous, because we all know that whatever the person is writing about your wall "truthfully," they're lying. I've never seen a mean thing written on anyone's wall and I'm not condoning internet bullying but seriously? You do not like everyone. There are people that irritate you all the time and no one is ever going to write it on Facebook.

"{random word} :(" or ":(" We don't know what you're talking about and we kind of don't care. Sure, there's the occasional person that will ask, "hey man, what's going on?" and half the time the statuser will say, "I don't want to talk about it." So why did you post it?! This is almost worse than the boring status itself.

"ttc" or "pin:..." Thank you, I'll be sure to text you just because you told me to, person I met once at orientation and have never seen again. Or girl from highschool who never talked to me. Or person who has never texted me in my life. Yes, I will just go grab my phone and give you a shout. And blackberry users, thanks so much. Your pin will be so useful when I try to text you from my iPhone.

So what is this whole thing about? It's about how boring, predictable, unimaginative, and repetitive Facebook has gotten. (Did you see what I did there? Those are all synonyms but they're all a little bit different so like, you can say stuff in different ways? Ahhh, I'm sorry, nevermind.) So little creativity is put into anything that is posted there these days. On the internet, no one wants to read what you have to say if there isn't something special about it. And it's unfortunate, but for the most part, no one even pays attention to you once you're known for posting mundane and stereotyped stuff. So when you actually have something interesting or exciting to say, no one will even notice. It's the truth. The internet is too fast paced and changes too quickly for anyone to bother with any of this boring junk. That being said, I'm sure your mom loves to read you status no matter what it says, so if you're only trying to impress her, keep it up.

Note: I understand that a lot of people have written posts like this, making this a slightly hypocritical post.

What are some statuses that drive you nuts? Let me know. Feedback is my favourite. (You're allowed to tell me I suck, too.)

Pet Peeve of the Week: The Difference Between "Seen" and "Saw"

I don't know if this is a common grammar issue all over the place or just where I'm from. I'm going to bet its everywhere. Now, I know that English is a stupid language. (This is a common thing found all over the internet but here's a link to the first blog I found. Hilarious, give it a read.) Anyway, the thing that baffles me is that people can't get their minds around the difference between "seen" and "saw." *disgruntled sounds*

The number of times I have heard "I seen that movie," I don't even know.

"I saw that movie," or, "I have seen that movie."
"David saw me at the park," or, "David has seen me at the park."

OR

"Have you saw that movie?" NO!

"Have you seen that movie?" Yes.

Now, I'm not an English teacher, so maybe I'm wrong, but how about we make a rule that "seen" can't be by itself? "Has" or "have" need to go with it. They're best friends, attached at the hip. But "saw" has no friends and should be all alone.

Or, I read this somewhere, and it made sense to me:
Think of the use of "seen" as talking about the past, but thinking about the present.
Think of the use of "saw" as talking about the past and thinking about the past.

I understand that this may be extremely confusing so let me put it this way:
"I seen you yesterday," doesn't even sound right!! Or is that just me? I understand that maybe some people just never learned it, or they never quite understood it, but I honestly don't think it's a concept that is too difficult. And maybe it's habit now. That's understandable as well. But bad habits can be broken. So let's break them before I start breaking things over the heads of these grammar murderers.

I will admit, I am an unofficial member of the infamous Grammar Nazis (although I hate the name. I would prefer Grammar Angels or something nice like that.) But someone has to be in charge of this stuff. You can't just go making your own rules about language. Wait, that's not a hundred percent true. If you know what you're doing (kind of) there's possibility for some creativity in language. But it's a different thing if you're doing it on purpose, right? Do I sound like an a**hole? Yeah, probably a little bit, but that's just how much this grammar mistake rattles me.

This doesn't mean I don't make grammar mistakes myself. I do it all the time. But I'm also constantly looking up the proper way to say things because I don't want to write posts like this and have people call me out on grammar mistakes that I've made.

I don't have anything to say to sum this up. Just stop doing it, okay? Just stop!

Paranoid: Things I'm Constantly Worried Will Kill Me Part 3

Yes, there are more.

11. Living upstairs. "What?" you say. You don't know how reliably that floor has been built. It could give away at any time and then you're falling to your death, impaling yourself on your downstairs neighbour's large, pointy, unnecessary statue that takes up half their living room. Or you just hit your head and die, whatever.

12. Eating fruit. No, I'm not just making things up at this point. A lot of the time while I'm sitting there, munching an apple, all I can think about is "what if there's some kind of bug in here and I eat it and it claws at my insides and infects them and I die?" The possibility of choking is, of course, there as well but I'm hardly concerned about that.

13. Standing on anything that is not solid ground. Okay, I'll get on that chair and make one wrong move and then tip over and grab onto the curtains but then the curtains rip and I fall and smash my head off the window sill and then again off the floor and then death happens. Skateboards? Jesus Murphy, no. The most dramatic imagery I ever imagined in my life was when parents would say, "don't do that, you'll crack your head open," and all I could see was my head like an egg against the edge of a bowl. ALL parents said something like this, so you're ALL to blame for my intense fear of falling.

14. Gas pumps. This one sucks, because I work at a gas station. But really, one mis-flicked cigarette ash lands in the wrong spot on the ground and BOOM! we're all dead. Or, the people who leave their car on while you're pumping because, "it won't start again if I turn it off." Yeah? Well it won't start again if it's in two billion little pieces after the whole place blows up either. I like being whole. I got super upset after losing the most minuscule piece off the end of my finger (you can see it if you squint, I swear.) "Oh, but those signs that say no smoking and turn off your car, what about those?" you just said accusingly towards your computer screen. No one listens to signs in the real world, dummy.

15. Those big trucks that are carrying like 20 cars. What if one just came loose and crushed you while you're driving behind that thing? I don't know what is possibly more terrifying than a car flying from 15 feet in the air directly at your face. Maybe like an airplane falling out of the sky but whatever. Just put those cars on a train and save me the anxiety, okay?!


I think this is the end of the Paranoid saga. If you haven't read parts 1 and 2, you can do so here.
Also, I'd like to hear what you're afraid of. Leave a comment. I looove comments.

10 Artists Who Made My Year

These days, the internet makes it really easy to find awesome music. It's actually a little overwhelming at times. There's a lot of amazing stuff out there and not enough time to listen to it all. However, we all manage to find our favourite artists. Although the following artists may not count as my favourite of all time, here is a list of the artists I've enjoyed the most over the last 12 months.

10. Train

I saw Train in concert a little more than a year ago and it reminded me how good their oldies are. I rediscovered Meet Virginia and that was enough for me. Pat Monahan can be kind of a jerk in real life but he makes up for it by having an amazing, original voice (although he's kind of creepy looking, isn't he?) It was nice to see them raise from the musical darkness. They're pretty mainstream but alternative enough that they're pleasing to most people, so a good background music choice for sure.

My Fave: Calling All Angels

9. Zac Brown Band

I'm not really sure what kind of person could possibly dislike this band. Zac Brown has an amazing voice, and their songs are undeniably catchy. A good band for a day on the boat or sitting lakeside.

My Fave: Keep Me In Mind

8. Every Avenue

Up and comers in the alternative rock world. I honestly discovered this band by walking up to the Alternative section at HMV and grabbing the first cool looking CD I saw. I've since seen them play live and developed an enormous crush on the lead singer.
My Fave: Clumsy Little Heart

7. Jack Johnson

This is funny because I used to kind of hate this guy. Something to do with his song Sitting, Wishing, Waiting that rubbed me the wrong way. Now though, I love his laid back tunes, and his albums are my go-to easy listening/background choices.

My Fave: From The Clouds

6. Paramore

You can't deny that Hayley Williams is the female face of alternative rock/pop rock/whatever you'd like to call it. And she's only 23. Not that there are too many female faces in that genre. Paramore is definitely one of my favourite bands of all time, and I never get sick of listening to them. It's really awesome to see that a lot of their songs have made it into some mainstream playlists. I think it's a good time to mention that at one time my younger brothers would never admit to liking a girl singer (I KNOW, right?) and Misery Business was definitely the first female-vocaled song they admitted to enjoying.

My Fave: For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

5. Neon Trees

I don't even really know what to say about Neon Trees. They have a female drummer (which seems to be a rising trend, yay) and they're just awesome. That's it. Awesome. They're different from a lot of stuff that's out there right now, and in a very good way. The new album, Picture Show,  is a big change from Habits, but I think they're headed in a good direction.

My Fave: Moving in the Dark

4. Patrick Stump

Fall Out Boy will forever hold the number one band place in my heart. Say what you will, but FOB introduced me to an entire genre of music that I hadn't really listened to before, and my life is a lot better because of it. That being said, Patrick's solo stuff is nothing like FOB, so get that out of your head. However, it is excellent in its own way. There's nothing like it right now. And he plays every single instrument on the album himself. No computers. That doesn't happen very often these days. Oh, did I mention that his is the voice that angels sing with?

My Fave: Allie

3. Rise Against

There are certain bands that you need to be in a certain mood to listen to. For me, Rise Against is definitely not one of those bands. I can listen to them anytime, anywhere. I know they aren't for everyone, so this isn't the stuff I'd be playing at parties. But for me, this is the kind of band that you get something new from every time you listen. The lyrics are fantastic, and that's what I care about most a lot of the time.
My Fave: Paper Wings


2. The Cab

These guys are all in their early 20s but their music is amazing. They're on their way to being a huge hit, I can tell. Catchy music and catchy lyrics and an excellent vocalist. Can you ask for anything more in a band? No, I think that's you need. Onward with the alternative rock takeover or something! I keep hearing new things in their songs that I love. Not to mention, I heard one of their songs on Sirius Hits so I guess that's as good a sign as any. The only thing I wish would change is the lead singer's long greasy hair, but you can't have everything, folks.
My Fave: This City Is Contagious

1. Marianas Trench

I've loved MT since the very first "ooo ooooooooo ooo" in Shake Tramp and I've been wowed several times by their excellent live performances. I used to compare them to Hedley but in light of Hedley's complete and terrible sell-out I've put Marianas Trench nearer to the top of my Top Bands list and thrown Hedley in the garbage (well attempted to. I can take them back out, but I'm getting off topic now.) Josh Ramsay is a genius both lyrically and musically. Example: He produced Call Me Maybe. I don't need to make any more of an argument for him now, do I? His voice is excellent. It sounds good live, and it sounds good no matter what it is he's singing. Aaaand all four band members can sing. They have lovely harmonies which in my opinion make a lot of their songs sound very original. It does annoy me that they've become a mainstream hit and I have to share my love of them with a bunch of annoying fan girls. (Just kidding, kinda.)
My Fave: Perfect





Of course, I do not own any of these images, YouTube vids, or the tracks themselves.

Sweatpants In Public

Most of the time, I have a strict dress code for myself: No sweatpants in public. (This has obvious exceptions ie. at the gym or the hospital. But I avoid the gym at all costs and I try to stay out of the hospital as well so this doesn't apply often.) However, lately I've been venturing to Tim Hortons while wearing sweat pants. Perhaps this is because I've found the best sweat pants ever? (No.) Or maybe I've become comfortable with myself and I don't care what other people think. (No.) Or maybe I'm just lazy and don't care. (Probably.) Either way, I've been thinking about the two sides of this argument: To sweatpant in public or not to sweatpant in public?

Note: PJ pants are not sweatpants and those should stay at home in all cases. See People of Walmart Dot Com please.

To Sweatpant

Who cares what you're wearing? Clothing isn't a crucial part of our lives. It's not necessity and so why should we focus so much time on it? Why should anyone else care what I'm wearing? Besides, these sweatpants are designer and they cost more than your car.

Not To Sweatpant

Everyone judges you by what they see (at first, anyway.) So if they see you wearing the same sweatpants you were wearing last night, they are going to get a negative opinion of you. (They're going to think you're disgusting.) They don't know how much those pants cost. It's all about first impressions. Isn't that the point of fashion?
And don't even get me started on the issues I have with guys walking around in sweatpants. I know that many ladies agree with me when I say that there's no way everything is under control in that situation.


So what's your opinion? Are you for or against public sweatpants? Take a second to take the poll on the side of this page.

An Afterthought On Yoga Pants

While I was writing I got thinking about "Lulus" and how girls seem to think that yoga pants can be used as regular pants and can in fact be a dressy article of clothing. This is ridiculous and I strongly believe that you should never wear yoga pants to a formal occasion. Yoga pants are a piece of exercise attire so its like a dude wearing his spandex bike suit to a classy dinner. Think about that for a second.