The F Word

The infamous F-word. F-U-See here now, wait a sec, this is a PG blog. For the purpose of keeping this as clean as possible we're going to replace the real King of the Swears with "fucoxanthin." (Fucoxanthin, for those who don't know, is some kind of pigment found in brown algae. It's literally the most boring thing on the planet. But it sounds like a really dirty word, so it works here.) Remember, for the duration of this post, "fucoxanthin" means the F-word.

Okay, so most have us have said fucoxanthin before. Whether it was because we were mad or surprised or just because it was the cool thing to do when we were 15 and now it's so hardwired in that we can't stop. Or, maybe you just like saying it. Whatever the reason, most of us have said it, whether we want to admit it or not.

Fucoxanthin is arguably the most versatile word in the English language. Look at all these uses:

1. As a noun: "For fucoxanthin's sake." "That little fucoxanthiner." Etc.
2. As a verb: "And then they fucoxanthined." - As a side note, this is my least favourite use of fucoxanthin.
3. Adverbs!: "He was fucoxanthining running from that crazy lady."
4. Pronoun: "That fucoxanthin stole all my bread."
5. Adjectives: "That was a terrible, fucoxanthining day." "Fucoxanthining Robert ate my grilled cheese."
6. Exclaimations: "Fucoxanthin yeah!"
7. To show absolute confusion or disgust: "What the fucoxanthin?"
8. As an insult: "Go fucoxanthin yourself."

And I'm sure there are many more. But the point is, fucoxanthin has all these uses. People have developed different meanings for it depending on the context.
This is the funny thing about fucoxanthin, isn't it? "Go fucoxanthin yourself" or "fucoxanthin you" are considered terrible insults, but when you tell your guy friends that you just "fucoxanthined that blonde chick from the cluuuuub" it's like the best thing ever and you get lots of high fives. (I assume. I'm not a guy, I don't know the standard protocol.) 

And why are there so many uses of it anyway? Well, my theory is that people just wanted more excuses to say it so they made it applicable in any situation.

It is a fun word to say, no denying that. What did Dane Cook say? "[Fucoxanthin] is the best word ever, because it's got the ffff and the uuhh and the KUH[oxanthin]!"

Nowadays, we hear fucoxanthin uttered ALL THE TIME. I think 34% of mothers report that their baby's first word is "fucoxanthin." (No, I didn't just make that statistic up.) (Yes I did.) So really, is it REALLY that bad of a word anymore. Is it REALLY something to be completely offended by? 

Yes, actually, I think it is. I am not a stranger to the word, that is for sure. Have you read my Twitter? But I do think that there's a time and place for it. (Twitter is that time and place because Twitter is for two kinds of people: People who do not care and Justin Bieber.)
Walking on the street or in the mall or some kind of public place, that is NOT the place for it. I guess arguably Twitter is public too and maybe we should watch our mouths (fingers?) on there too but really little kids shouldn't be on there and if you're that upset just don't read my tweets? Anyway, any time young children are around, the F word (fucoxanthin) is a no. 

I don't 100% understand the young children thing though, even though it makes me uncomfortable when people drop fucoxanthin bombs near little kiddies. What's the worst thing that will happen? The kid will repeat it? 

Well, who cares? It's a WORD. I know, words can kill or whatever. Is that a saying? Doesn't matter. What matters is what EXACTLY is it that this word represents that makes it socially unacceptable to say it? I know that language has tons of history and it's probably long and complex but I'd really like to know.

The thing about words is that none of them are actually anything, right? The word "sandwich" is not actually a sandwich, it just represents one in speech and on paper. But fucoxanthin, as we've already discovered, doesn't have just one meaning. People use it in new ways every day. There is no set definition. The only connotation we understand fucoxanthin to have is that it's bad. It's a bad word, and that's that. There is no other information that goes with it. It's just there to create a stir or make something more intense.

So what's in a word? Should we really condemn fucoxanthin as a bad word when really, there is nothing bad about it? I guess the same thing can be said of any word with negative concepts attached to it.

Am I even making sense anymore? Am I feeling bad for a WORD? A group of letters? An assortment of smooshed up sounds? I don't even know now. And so this seems like a good place to end. Here, while we're all still pondering the hard life of a word. The Sad Tale of Fucoxanthin.

A Look Inside "A Piece of Cake"

I want to start this post off with a disclaimer: REGARDLESS of the magical rule, "i" before "e" except after "c," I almost ALWAYS spell words like "piece" incorrectly. Hopefully spellcheck is on my side today and this doesn't become a problem. If I do mess up and you choose to point it out, I WILL (imagine myself) paying a hit man to have you "rubbed off," "popped," "whacked," etc. (Why are ALL Mafia slang words for killing also words for ... well... you know.)

Okay, that's over with. Now, it's time for us to examine the common idiom "a piece of cake."
DON'T YOU DARE EXIT THIS PAGE!
Yes, we are looking at "a piece of cake." Why are we doing this? We're doing this because I just spent approximately 10 minutes wondering what that really, truly, actually means (and 10 minutes is a long time in this sporadic head of mine.)

Yes, something that is, "a piece of cake" is something that is "easy." Simple. No problem. A walk in the park. Child's play. A no-brainer. Duck soup (Whaaat? I just googled "piece of cake synonyms." I have no idea what that one means.)

But why is a piece of cake "easy?"

Is it because cake is easy to eat? Well, yes, it is. But it's not the easiest thing to eat. A slice of pizza doesn't even require a fork unless you're a pompous lunatic so it is seemly a much "easier" food.

Plus cake is messy. Have you seen any kid's birthday pictures? So, cake is not easy clean up unless you lick the plate, fork, table AND kid clean.

And cake is certainly not the easiest thing to make for the baking-challenged (me.) And have you SEEN some of those super fancy, cool looking cakes before? Like, one's that look like television characters or whatever? Those are the BEST, right? But the average person will never make them because the average person isn't amazing (sorry to break it to you.)


Maybe it's that cake is a simple food. I don't think this is the case because cakes have layers (Shrek reference goes here somewhere.) They're complex. Chocolate layers, vanilla layers, custard layers, ice cream layers, icing, sprinkles. Cakes have a lot going on under the surface, you know what I mean? They're not an easy food to understand, you see?

And cakes don't symbolize easy things. They symbolize change. You buy someone a cake to celebrate something that is happening in their lives, something new. Change is not easy. Even good change creates stress and emotions. Cake is there to sooth the pain, that's the point of it, right? But change is not an easy thing to soothe. (Although seriously, if you're gonna sooth the pain of change with something, might as well do it with cake.)

The only thing that is easy about cakes is how easy it is to destroy them. Drop it, knock it over, shove someone's face into it. Is that what people mean? Are cakes "easy" because they're vulnerable?

 I feel as if I've been left with more questions than answers. If anyone can please help me to figure out the true meaning behind "a piece of cake" it would be greatly appreciated. Also, if anyone could send me some cake I would forget about the whole issue completely. If you send me a cake that looks like me, I will probably put you in my will in the future, okie dokie?

Internet Bandwagons, Scams and Bullying

I wrote a blog post a while ago regarding Invisible Children and Kony 2012 on one of my old Tumblr blogs (you can read it here if you'd like.) The point of the whole thing was my frustration with internet bandwagons. People support a cause because it's popular to support a cause, or people post whatever because that's what is popular right now. They don't think about it, they don't do any research, and often it's something they cared absolutely nothing about before.

Recently, a young girl committed suicide because she was being bullied over the internet. The video she posted on Youtube about a month ago was truly heartbreaking and gave everyone a lot to think about. Since then #RIPAmandaTodd has been trending on Twitter, and Facebook groups have been popping up everywhere to honour her memory.

Note: The rest of this post is in NO WAY meant to be disrespectful at all to anyone. It's only something I was thinking about.
Internet bullying has been around for a long time. We've all heard about it, some of us have taken part in it and some of us have been the victims. It's easy to bully people online. You don't have to look them in the eyes. You can think about everything you want to say or do beforehand. None of this is in real time. In fact, sometimes what goes on online doesn't even feel real. There's just enough disconnection from the bully and the victim that it's easy to avoid feeling guilty.
So I was thinking, why is it that only when stuff like this happens, when a girl posts a message on the internet before she kills herself, that we step up and say we need to end bullying?
There are countless stories like this. Kids being so bullied that they don't even want to be on earth anymore. And every time one of these stories ends up in the news, people say, "we need to do something about bullying." And this lasts for about a few weeks. Facebook groups pop up, people join them and then that's that. That's all you need to do to support something, right? Share it on Facebook and then go about your daily life.

And it's not just bullying. Let's look again at this whole Kony business. One of the crucial steps in the whole Kony 2012 plan was Cover The Night - basically running around and vandalizing stuff with Kony's name and picture. I don't believe I saw one Kony poster the day after Cover the Night, although I saw so many people on Facebook claim they would be "attending" the event. People just simply forgot about it. It was too far down the road from their initial viewing of the Kony 2012 video.

But that's the thing about the internet, isn't it? Everything is changing, all the time. There's too much information going in and coming out, you can't just concentrate on one thing, and you can't show support for everything. So we join groups, like statuses and retweet messages, hoping that that'll be enough. Someone else can do the hard stuff. Someone else can teach the anti-bullying classes and send money to the children of Uganda.

And I do this too. I'm not standing on any pedestal, wagging my finger at the world for not being better citizens. It's hard to be passionate about things these days.
Not only that, but it's hard to know what groups, or organizations or sad stories are for real. There are so many internet scams created everyday. People make up sad stories and attach an unsettling photo from Google so that they can have their photo shared thousands of times.

So when things like youth suicide happen, and when the entire world knows about it, it's hard to not join the "bandwagon" isn't it? You want to seem sensitive and so you like RIP Amanda Todd on Facebook and you retweet some stuff about her.
But then you actually read some of the things on the group's wall and there are people being disrespectful there. Saying that the people who bullied her should "go die."
And all I can think is, "did you all completely miss the point?" Why did you join a group remembering a girl who wants to stop bullying, if you're just going to be rude and disrespectful (a bully) while you're there? Just because the person you're bullying is a bully, doesn't mean that what you're doing is okay.

I'm not against supporting causes, or joining groups. I'm against the complete lack of thinking that you see on the internet every day. And it's not anyone's fault necessarily. Like I said, the information being thrown at us every day is astounding. Processing it all is more work than most people even realize and so I guess it's understandable that maybe you post things without thinking, or like groups without understanding what they're all about.

In closing, all of my blabbering about bandwagons and scams aside, I hope we never have to see another news story like this. I know, bullying is something that will probably never truly go away. But we can change things and hopefully this is truly the push we need to do it. Bullying awareness is something that I always remember being a part of education (did anyone else learn the warm fuzzies cold pricklies story?) but maybe it takes a story like this one to really make it sink in.

Pet Peeve of the Week: Loud Talkers

Courtesy of Parks and Recreation and some nice soul on Tumblr

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. I cannot deal with people who speak loudly when there's no need to. Shut up! Seriously. If I can hear you through walls, you're too loud. (In a perfect world, if I can hear you at all, this should be considered too loud, but let's be reasonable here.)

Things I want to do to people who talk really loud (either all together or separately):

• slam their head in a refrigerator door
• cram cotton candy down their throats until they can't talk anymore
• shove tiny needles under their nails (preferably AFTER the cotton candy has rendered them speechless.)
• run them over with six cars
• lock them in a walk in freezer for fourteen hours WITH a dead body

Okay, some of that stuff seems unnecessary but this drives me nuts. Any sounds, for that matter, drive me nuts. But microwaves and closing doors, those are sounds that can't really be helped. What can be helped is how loud you choose to speak in a regular situation.

When yelling is okay:

• when you're being eaten by a shark
• when I'm about to walk into a pole and you're trying to save me head injuries/embarrassment
• when the Isley Brothers tell you to shout while you are twisting
• when you're at a party and everyone else is (I guess)
• when you're in a completely solitary place and you need to let out some steam

Yep. Those are pretty much the only acceptable times.

Okay, I know some people don't realize they're doing it, but that doesn't stop me from disliking them.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Quietly. On the internet. Which takes almost no sound at all.

The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.

Totally Normal Things That Are Actually Pretty Weird If You Think About It

You know how sometimes you'll way over think the most simple things and all of a sudden they seem totally weird? Here's some things that are so normal, but if you really think about it, they're weird.

- Money. Why does this piece of paper control everything in the world? Like honestly, think about it, it's just a piece of paper that you could crumple up or burn or eat. What if I decided I don't believe in paper money anymore and I refuse to acknowledge it? I would probably just get laughed at but seriously, think about it. A piece of paper rules your life.

- Letting animals live in your house. This is actually totally weird. Dogs are fully capable of ripping us apart in the night, but we trust them not to and (usually) they don't. And rodents? We spend tons of time trying to keep mice and moles and rats out of our homes but then we go buy one and put it in a cage? Crazy. Cats are grumpy and they pee on our stuff but we keep them there (usually) because we've bonded with this creature that can't even talk to us. But they love us (usually) and we feel good because there's someone that needs us and someone who we can cuddle with at the end of the day.

- Dancing. Have you ever stood above a crowd of people dancing and actually watched them carefully? We look ridiculous. Waving our arms around, jiggling stuff that wasn't meant to be jiggled, making unattractive facial expressions. It's silly, really. But it lets out steam, it gives us a chance to forget about our problems and it (sometimes) lures in a potential mate. So we dance.

- High heel shoes. Why do we torture ourselves with uncomfortable footwear? What's the point? I know, it makes lady's legs look like they go up to here. And I know, men used to wear them, yes, I am familiar with portraits of British kings wearing high heels. But I just don't understand WHY. In all seriousness, we look plain silly. If someone was walking around on stilts we would think they were ridiculous, but yet it's totally acceptable to prance around in high heels, which are obviously just an illusion, making us taller. (Back up for a sec, maybe prance wasn't the correct word to use there. When I'm n high heels, it's more like "wobble around in high heels.")

- Tanning. And I don't mean in a tanning bed (Tanning beds aren't weird, they're pretty much just stupid.) I mean laying outside for hours in the crazy heat, sweating all over your Jodi Picoult book and slapping away the flies and bees. What's the point? So that we can create the illusion that we actually go outside and do stuff? Because laying on a towel by the pool isn't really considered going outside and "doing stuff." I imagine no one wants to be pasty white, and this is understandable, but why can't you just be yourself? (I suppose I can say this because I am not naturally the colour of paper like some people are, so I apologise if you have a different opinion.) Maybe it's because we have so much spare time, maybe it's so we don't look like we've been shut in our homes on the internet for weeks, or maybe it's so we look more ethnic and interesting. Whatever the reason, tanning is strange, there's no doubt about it.

- Decorating. You do it and I do it and we all do it, but when you think about it, it's dumb. Yeah, it's nice to have pretty things to look at when you're in your home. And when people show up at your house, you want to be able to show off all the nice things you have. But when you really think about the whole practise, it's wasteful. It wastes time, it wastes money, it wastes resources, it wastes space. And then whenever a new season or holiday comes along you buy more stuff to decorate with because you don't want to forget that it's Halloween, so you better put that goofy skeleton up on the wall.

- Scary movies. Humans are now so boring and safe that we have to scare ourselves with movies and games just so we can get that little adrenaline rush and feel a little unsafe. What? This is ridiculous. I feel like if creatures came from another planet and watched us do this to ourselves they would think we were insane. And maybe we are a little bit. I read somewhere once that one of the reasons we watch horror movies is to try to live the way that a psychopath or killer would live, or at least understand it. So don't tell me that humans aren't all a little bit crazy.

- Amusement parks. This is basically a similar concept to scary movies. Humans no longer have to escape large animals or go on amazing adventures or explore the planet at all anymore so where do we get our thrills? We jump onto holy-jeepers-that-was-expensive roller coasters and does anyone REALLY even like it? Like really? The point of a roller coaster is to make you uncomfortable and afraid, isn't it? So we basically put ourselves onto a giant metal machine that whips us around at crazy speeds and if ONE thing goes wrong then we'll more than likely be dead. Yes, that sounds like a very sane way to pass the time.

- Hair removal. Okay, I don't want to be super hairy or anything, but really, this stuff is natural, why are we so determined to get rid of it? It's there for a reason (or at least, it used to be.) But these days, beauty can be measured by how little hair you have on your body, right? And it's a lot of work. You get it all under control and then the next thing you know your legs are prickly and you're on your way to being Chewbacca again.

The Boring Facebook Status Guide

This is just a very short list of Facebook statuses that drive me absolutely crazy. Of course, it is very possible that additions to this will be made over time.

Starting your Facebook status with the following:
"Out with..." - the boys, the ladies, Scooby and the Gang.
"Officially..." - a high school grad, sixteen and pregnant, drinking age, a G1 driver.
"So blessed..." - to have a wonderful husband, to have a great job, to be blissfully oblivious.

Ending your Facebook status with the following:
"_____ bound!" - {insert city name}, {insert country name}, homeward.
"... for the night!" - with the girls, drunk, stats homework.

Okay, so I know that these are common things that people want to talk about on Facebook. Who you're hanging with, what's going on in your life, why you're happy, etc. I'm not concerned about the content of what you're saying as much as I'm frustrated that everyone has to say it in the exact same way. It gets boring to read your entire newsfeed and get the exact same wording for every other status. I promise you, people, there are a thousand other ways to say this stuff. And we all know the people who post these things constantly. They never write a status that isn't in the typical Facebook way. I'm not saying that doing this occasionally isn't totally fine, either. I know when you're out on the town or whatever, maybe you want your jealous ex boyfriend to see the status ASAP, so you don't want to spend 20 minutes thinking of a creative way to say it. So, this is possibly forgivable once or twice (I said POSSIBLY.) So, are we clear here? Let's make our stati just a teensy weensy bit more interesting, okay?

Oh, and there's more:
Lyrics. More specifically: lyrics that four other people have posted just minutes before you. No one wants to read the same lyrics more than once on their newsfeed. You're boring everyone.                I don't care how much you think that Luke Bryan song relates to your life right now. If someone claimed to be "drunk on you and high on summertime" two minutes before you did, you should maybe think about picking a different life theme song.

One of those internet cliche little saying things. You know what I mean. You read them on those little posters on Pinterest and then you just decide to write the thing down in your status. Yeah, it's funny, but a billion other people have posted the same thing. And there's the issue of figuring out what you actually made up and what you straight up stole from other people. This one isn't 100% annoying all the time though because there are some truly hilarious little thingys out there. This goes for quotes as well. (Have you read my view on internet quotes and these little poster things? Marilyn Monroe Didn't Even Say That Stuff)

"Like for truth is."/"tbh"/"Like for .... {anything.}" I've actually seen the same person post this status like ten different times and still get people to respond. I've always thought that this is ridiculous, because we all know that whatever the person is writing about your wall "truthfully," they're lying. I've never seen a mean thing written on anyone's wall and I'm not condoning internet bullying but seriously? You do not like everyone. There are people that irritate you all the time and no one is ever going to write it on Facebook.

"{random word} :(" or ":(" We don't know what you're talking about and we kind of don't care. Sure, there's the occasional person that will ask, "hey man, what's going on?" and half the time the statuser will say, "I don't want to talk about it." So why did you post it?! This is almost worse than the boring status itself.

"ttc" or "pin:..." Thank you, I'll be sure to text you just because you told me to, person I met once at orientation and have never seen again. Or girl from highschool who never talked to me. Or person who has never texted me in my life. Yes, I will just go grab my phone and give you a shout. And blackberry users, thanks so much. Your pin will be so useful when I try to text you from my iPhone.

So what is this whole thing about? It's about how boring, predictable, unimaginative, and repetitive Facebook has gotten. (Did you see what I did there? Those are all synonyms but they're all a little bit different so like, you can say stuff in different ways? Ahhh, I'm sorry, nevermind.) So little creativity is put into anything that is posted there these days. On the internet, no one wants to read what you have to say if there isn't something special about it. And it's unfortunate, but for the most part, no one even pays attention to you once you're known for posting mundane and stereotyped stuff. So when you actually have something interesting or exciting to say, no one will even notice. It's the truth. The internet is too fast paced and changes too quickly for anyone to bother with any of this boring junk. That being said, I'm sure your mom loves to read you status no matter what it says, so if you're only trying to impress her, keep it up.

Note: I understand that a lot of people have written posts like this, making this a slightly hypocritical post.

What are some statuses that drive you nuts? Let me know. Feedback is my favourite. (You're allowed to tell me I suck, too.)