Pet Peeve of the Week: Loud Talkers

Courtesy of Parks and Recreation and some nice soul on Tumblr

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. I cannot deal with people who speak loudly when there's no need to. Shut up! Seriously. If I can hear you through walls, you're too loud. (In a perfect world, if I can hear you at all, this should be considered too loud, but let's be reasonable here.)

Things I want to do to people who talk really loud (either all together or separately):

• slam their head in a refrigerator door
• cram cotton candy down their throats until they can't talk anymore
• shove tiny needles under their nails (preferably AFTER the cotton candy has rendered them speechless.)
• run them over with six cars
• lock them in a walk in freezer for fourteen hours WITH a dead body

Okay, some of that stuff seems unnecessary but this drives me nuts. Any sounds, for that matter, drive me nuts. But microwaves and closing doors, those are sounds that can't really be helped. What can be helped is how loud you choose to speak in a regular situation.

When yelling is okay:

• when you're being eaten by a shark
• when I'm about to walk into a pole and you're trying to save me head injuries/embarrassment
• when the Isley Brothers tell you to shout while you are twisting
• when you're at a party and everyone else is (I guess)
• when you're in a completely solitary place and you need to let out some steam

Yep. Those are pretty much the only acceptable times.

Okay, I know some people don't realize they're doing it, but that doesn't stop me from disliking them.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Quietly. On the internet. Which takes almost no sound at all.