I Hate Halloween

I'm being forced to attend a Halloween party this year and I am a little bit on the unimpressed side. I do not like Halloween. I do not like costumes. I do not like free poisoned candy. I do not like fake blood and organs served on platters.
I don't know when I first discovered my dislike for this day. Maybe I had some bad candy once. Maybe someone chased me with a chainsaw while I was out trick or treating (oh, wait, that DID happen. Every year) or maybe I'm just kind of a wimp (true.) Whatever it is, I don't like Halloween, and I'm quite positive that I never will like it.

Costume Stress
I have very powerful memories of how stressed out I would get about choosing my costume as a kid. What if the other kids thought it was stupid? Picking a costume is a BIG DEAL people! Anyway, despite this stress I believe I usually changed what I wanted to be on the day of Halloween and my mom as forced to deal with helping me pick out a new one. And the thing I finally decided on was usually unbelievably lame. Or that's how I remember it anyway. (Except for when I was a Power Ranger. That was sweet.)

Mask Smell
I don't know if this is actually a real thing or if I've just invented it in my head, but do you notice how disgusting Halloween masks smell? Even new ones, they're all plastic-y and disgusting. But it's the old ones that are the worst. Like, the one that your dad wore to the Halloween dance when he was in grade 10 and for some reason decided to keep. (Or, in my household, the terrifying Brian Mulroney mask that I really hope has seen it's last days.)

It's Scary!
I'm all for scary story reading and I love writing creepy tales, but something about Halloween decorations creeps me right out. I guess I prefer to imagine the scary stuff in my head, instead of having to look at it. That being said...

Halloween movies that aren't scary but it makes me anxious even thinking about them:
- Beetlejuice
- The Addams Family
- Edward Scissorhands
- When Good Ghouls Go Bad (Or really any R.L. Stine film/the Goosebumps TV show. I loved the books though.)

Something about these films just makes my insides crawl around all funny. They're all movies that I first saw when I was little, and probably around the same time. I don't know if there was a life event happening at the time that made my memory of these bad or something, but whatever it was, these movies are ruined for me. I can't do scary movies in general. When I'm forced to watch them I'm quite positive that I barely come out alive. Although I want to know the twists and stuff, I just can't deal with the scary. I'm just not into that kind of entertainment.

Let's get all technical here for a sec. Maybe I'll actually teach you something for once. There are a lot of studies that have been done about sensation seeking (i.e. watching scary movies, roller coasters, etc.) Most of them claim that there are various genetic things going on that make someone interested in sensation seeking or not. (i.e. dopamine levels and personality traits like introversion/extraversion.) I strongly believe that I am genetically hardwired to love sitting at home and typing away on my laptop, scoffing at that dude who just jumped from the edge of space. (If you want me to go into any more details I'd gladly mail you a copy of my psychology textbooks for a small fee of $400.)

Okay, now that we've learned something (that's scary) we can bring this thing to a close. I just wanted to let you all know that for Halloween this year, I'm being cotton candy, the most least scary thing in the whole wide world. And I'm going to go around and spread my non-scary cheer everywhere I go.

The Alcohol vs. Weed Argument According To Me

Okay, I'm going to write it all out here and from now on whenever the conversation comes up I'm going to just hand out cards with this link on them. If you need background on the alcohol vs. weed thing, just Google it like normal humans. Okay, anywhooo...

I don't even 100% know why this is a debate because it's all about personal preference right? People who prefer weed will argue for weed, people who enjoy alcohol will argue for alcohol. There are countless websites that will tell you all kinds of info about both of them and they'll try to sway your opinion and whatever. (Have you ever been to marijuana.com? It's actually hilarious because everyone who posts comments on there is like the most typical stoner. Check it out and have a laugh, but remember that stuff they post on there about marijuana is super biased.)

That being said, let's get it out there that I do not smoke "the pot." I'm not just saying this because my mommy or grandma might read this, I'm saying it because it's true. I don't do it. This is a personal choice. And without getting into any more details, that is that.

But I do not condemn those who do smoke. I don't care. Just keep it away from me and I'm happy. (I have mixed feelings about the smell of weed. Sometimes I don't mind it and sometimes I want to rip off the heads of those people who are polluting my precious air. So you should probably just keep it away from me.)

On the other hand, I do enjoy consuming alcohol from time to time. I DON'T enjoy getting blackout drunk and throwing up in hot tubs. So here's the first point against alcohol: Too much of it. I know, you can smoke too much weed and green out. Yes, that's a thing. But it happens a lot less often. Although I might argue that people who black out often probably also smoke weed while they're drinking, but that's a stereotype and stereotypes are bad so pretend I didn't even bring that up. (But I did bring it up and it's pretty accurate.) 

Blacking out aside, alcohol in a small amount is great. It's social, it's "sophisticated," and it gives you that super happy feeling inside. And it's LEGAL. There's a big point against the pot. I don't care what anyone says about how harmless it is, pot is illegal until it's legal. And we have to assume there are reasons for that. I know, it's often unenforced in some countries, and it's essentially legal in some (did you know that pot isn't technically legal in the Netherlands, they just don't enforce the laws at all?) but it's illegal in most places. When you can buy pot at a corner store, we can start up a whole different conversation.

And then there's this whole idea held by extreme pot smokers and a lot of other people too, that you can't get addicted to weed. It's true, addiction to weed is nothing like cocaine or heroin. There aren't any physical withdrawal symptoms from weed, but you can become psychologically addicted, that's a known fact. And of course, alcoholism is a huge deal and it affects tons of people, but at least people who drink alcohol can admit that it's possible to be addicted. 

Here is my biggest problem with weed though, and it's where I'm going to end this tiny debate. For the most part, unless someone is an alcoholic or an idiot, people do not drink alcohol while they're going about their daily things. However, people seem to think it's okay to smoke weed whenever they feel like it throughout the day and everything will be fine. Well, guess what? No, it's not fine. People drive while high, work while high, take care of their kids while high. YOU'RE HIGH! I don't care how functional you think you are. You're still under the influence of a substance. Your reaction time is impaired, you're not thinking your best. If your day is so difficult that you need to smoke weed to get through it, well guess what, buddy? You have a psychological addiction, congratulations.

And it's not like people aren't going to notice. Not everyone is super naive. People know. 

So that's my biggest argument, and I feel like it trumps anything you have to say about alcohol. Yes, I know people DO drive while drunk, but it's a lot less common than driving while high. And that's scary.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get a huge argument going in the comments.... so let me know what you think about the whole thing.

"I'm Done"

I am so done with people saying, "I'm done." You're done what? You're done your task? You're done the race? You're done like dinner? Oh, you mean you're like done with the human race or something?
Okay, that's reasonable. I guess you're just going to pack your suitcase and move to Mars, then, right? Or maybe just spontaneously combust on the spot?

It just frustrates me that this is a thing. And it's funny because usually the point when someone says, "I'm done" is like about half way through the argument or issue. They've just run out of things to say. Nothing is resolved. There's still that awkward, heavy conflict floating around above everyone's heads.
In fact, I feel like "I'm done" is just a continuation of the issue itself. You're trying to get the last word, you're stabbing the (person, issue, insert noun here) with a stick like, "Oh, I'm getting the last word. What are you going to say next? I'm done. There's nothing you can say after that. I win. Nana nana booboo." And it makes you seem like a (pardon my language) complete and total dick.

And what about online? Oh boy. Put up your hand if you've ever seen the "I'm done" status or tweet. Okay, how many of you put up your hands? This is the internet, you dummies, I can't see you.
So, I'm going to assume that a lot of you put those hands in the air. I do believe I've touched on this stuff in a previous post (The Boring Facebook Status Guide) because it's just that annoying. As much as I want to give absolutely no cares about your "I'm done" status, my natural curiosity gets the best of me, and I start speculating and checking your post to see if someone just gave in and straight up asked you.

And really, you sound like a dramatic l4 year old girl when you post a status like that. Possibly you are a dramatic 14 year old girl, and I can forgive you if that's the case. But there's a point where the vague, tortured teenager posts need to stop.
I'm not trying to be a Facebook Nazi, although it kind of seems like I have a heck of a lot of Facebook rules. I'm just trying to... Oh goodness, I'm a Facebook Nazi...

Anyways, my point here is that "I'm done" is kind of immature and dramatic. If you're actually "done" then that's the end. There's nothing left after that. When the pasta is done there's no more need to cook it. When the movie is done you roll up your leftover popcorn and go home. And that's all there is to it.

Done.

The F Word

The infamous F-word. F-U-See here now, wait a sec, this is a PG blog. For the purpose of keeping this as clean as possible we're going to replace the real King of the Swears with "fucoxanthin." (Fucoxanthin, for those who don't know, is some kind of pigment found in brown algae. It's literally the most boring thing on the planet. But it sounds like a really dirty word, so it works here.) Remember, for the duration of this post, "fucoxanthin" means the F-word.

Okay, so most have us have said fucoxanthin before. Whether it was because we were mad or surprised or just because it was the cool thing to do when we were 15 and now it's so hardwired in that we can't stop. Or, maybe you just like saying it. Whatever the reason, most of us have said it, whether we want to admit it or not.

Fucoxanthin is arguably the most versatile word in the English language. Look at all these uses:

1. As a noun: "For fucoxanthin's sake." "That little fucoxanthiner." Etc.
2. As a verb: "And then they fucoxanthined." - As a side note, this is my least favourite use of fucoxanthin.
3. Adverbs!: "He was fucoxanthining running from that crazy lady."
4. Pronoun: "That fucoxanthin stole all my bread."
5. Adjectives: "That was a terrible, fucoxanthining day." "Fucoxanthining Robert ate my grilled cheese."
6. Exclaimations: "Fucoxanthin yeah!"
7. To show absolute confusion or disgust: "What the fucoxanthin?"
8. As an insult: "Go fucoxanthin yourself."

And I'm sure there are many more. But the point is, fucoxanthin has all these uses. People have developed different meanings for it depending on the context.
This is the funny thing about fucoxanthin, isn't it? "Go fucoxanthin yourself" or "fucoxanthin you" are considered terrible insults, but when you tell your guy friends that you just "fucoxanthined that blonde chick from the cluuuuub" it's like the best thing ever and you get lots of high fives. (I assume. I'm not a guy, I don't know the standard protocol.) 

And why are there so many uses of it anyway? Well, my theory is that people just wanted more excuses to say it so they made it applicable in any situation.

It is a fun word to say, no denying that. What did Dane Cook say? "[Fucoxanthin] is the best word ever, because it's got the ffff and the uuhh and the KUH[oxanthin]!"

Nowadays, we hear fucoxanthin uttered ALL THE TIME. I think 34% of mothers report that their baby's first word is "fucoxanthin." (No, I didn't just make that statistic up.) (Yes I did.) So really, is it REALLY that bad of a word anymore. Is it REALLY something to be completely offended by? 

Yes, actually, I think it is. I am not a stranger to the word, that is for sure. Have you read my Twitter? But I do think that there's a time and place for it. (Twitter is that time and place because Twitter is for two kinds of people: People who do not care and Justin Bieber.)
Walking on the street or in the mall or some kind of public place, that is NOT the place for it. I guess arguably Twitter is public too and maybe we should watch our mouths (fingers?) on there too but really little kids shouldn't be on there and if you're that upset just don't read my tweets? Anyway, any time young children are around, the F word (fucoxanthin) is a no. 

I don't 100% understand the young children thing though, even though it makes me uncomfortable when people drop fucoxanthin bombs near little kiddies. What's the worst thing that will happen? The kid will repeat it? 

Well, who cares? It's a WORD. I know, words can kill or whatever. Is that a saying? Doesn't matter. What matters is what EXACTLY is it that this word represents that makes it socially unacceptable to say it? I know that language has tons of history and it's probably long and complex but I'd really like to know.

The thing about words is that none of them are actually anything, right? The word "sandwich" is not actually a sandwich, it just represents one in speech and on paper. But fucoxanthin, as we've already discovered, doesn't have just one meaning. People use it in new ways every day. There is no set definition. The only connotation we understand fucoxanthin to have is that it's bad. It's a bad word, and that's that. There is no other information that goes with it. It's just there to create a stir or make something more intense.

So what's in a word? Should we really condemn fucoxanthin as a bad word when really, there is nothing bad about it? I guess the same thing can be said of any word with negative concepts attached to it.

Am I even making sense anymore? Am I feeling bad for a WORD? A group of letters? An assortment of smooshed up sounds? I don't even know now. And so this seems like a good place to end. Here, while we're all still pondering the hard life of a word. The Sad Tale of Fucoxanthin.

A Look Inside "A Piece of Cake"

I want to start this post off with a disclaimer: REGARDLESS of the magical rule, "i" before "e" except after "c," I almost ALWAYS spell words like "piece" incorrectly. Hopefully spellcheck is on my side today and this doesn't become a problem. If I do mess up and you choose to point it out, I WILL (imagine myself) paying a hit man to have you "rubbed off," "popped," "whacked," etc. (Why are ALL Mafia slang words for killing also words for ... well... you know.)

Okay, that's over with. Now, it's time for us to examine the common idiom "a piece of cake."
DON'T YOU DARE EXIT THIS PAGE!
Yes, we are looking at "a piece of cake." Why are we doing this? We're doing this because I just spent approximately 10 minutes wondering what that really, truly, actually means (and 10 minutes is a long time in this sporadic head of mine.)

Yes, something that is, "a piece of cake" is something that is "easy." Simple. No problem. A walk in the park. Child's play. A no-brainer. Duck soup (Whaaat? I just googled "piece of cake synonyms." I have no idea what that one means.)

But why is a piece of cake "easy?"

Is it because cake is easy to eat? Well, yes, it is. But it's not the easiest thing to eat. A slice of pizza doesn't even require a fork unless you're a pompous lunatic so it is seemly a much "easier" food.

Plus cake is messy. Have you seen any kid's birthday pictures? So, cake is not easy clean up unless you lick the plate, fork, table AND kid clean.

And cake is certainly not the easiest thing to make for the baking-challenged (me.) And have you SEEN some of those super fancy, cool looking cakes before? Like, one's that look like television characters or whatever? Those are the BEST, right? But the average person will never make them because the average person isn't amazing (sorry to break it to you.)


Maybe it's that cake is a simple food. I don't think this is the case because cakes have layers (Shrek reference goes here somewhere.) They're complex. Chocolate layers, vanilla layers, custard layers, ice cream layers, icing, sprinkles. Cakes have a lot going on under the surface, you know what I mean? They're not an easy food to understand, you see?

And cakes don't symbolize easy things. They symbolize change. You buy someone a cake to celebrate something that is happening in their lives, something new. Change is not easy. Even good change creates stress and emotions. Cake is there to sooth the pain, that's the point of it, right? But change is not an easy thing to soothe. (Although seriously, if you're gonna sooth the pain of change with something, might as well do it with cake.)

The only thing that is easy about cakes is how easy it is to destroy them. Drop it, knock it over, shove someone's face into it. Is that what people mean? Are cakes "easy" because they're vulnerable?

 I feel as if I've been left with more questions than answers. If anyone can please help me to figure out the true meaning behind "a piece of cake" it would be greatly appreciated. Also, if anyone could send me some cake I would forget about the whole issue completely. If you send me a cake that looks like me, I will probably put you in my will in the future, okie dokie?

Internet Bandwagons, Scams and Bullying

I wrote a blog post a while ago regarding Invisible Children and Kony 2012 on one of my old Tumblr blogs (you can read it here if you'd like.) The point of the whole thing was my frustration with internet bandwagons. People support a cause because it's popular to support a cause, or people post whatever because that's what is popular right now. They don't think about it, they don't do any research, and often it's something they cared absolutely nothing about before.

Recently, a young girl committed suicide because she was being bullied over the internet. The video she posted on Youtube about a month ago was truly heartbreaking and gave everyone a lot to think about. Since then #RIPAmandaTodd has been trending on Twitter, and Facebook groups have been popping up everywhere to honour her memory.

Note: The rest of this post is in NO WAY meant to be disrespectful at all to anyone. It's only something I was thinking about.
Internet bullying has been around for a long time. We've all heard about it, some of us have taken part in it and some of us have been the victims. It's easy to bully people online. You don't have to look them in the eyes. You can think about everything you want to say or do beforehand. None of this is in real time. In fact, sometimes what goes on online doesn't even feel real. There's just enough disconnection from the bully and the victim that it's easy to avoid feeling guilty.
So I was thinking, why is it that only when stuff like this happens, when a girl posts a message on the internet before she kills herself, that we step up and say we need to end bullying?
There are countless stories like this. Kids being so bullied that they don't even want to be on earth anymore. And every time one of these stories ends up in the news, people say, "we need to do something about bullying." And this lasts for about a few weeks. Facebook groups pop up, people join them and then that's that. That's all you need to do to support something, right? Share it on Facebook and then go about your daily life.

And it's not just bullying. Let's look again at this whole Kony business. One of the crucial steps in the whole Kony 2012 plan was Cover The Night - basically running around and vandalizing stuff with Kony's name and picture. I don't believe I saw one Kony poster the day after Cover the Night, although I saw so many people on Facebook claim they would be "attending" the event. People just simply forgot about it. It was too far down the road from their initial viewing of the Kony 2012 video.

But that's the thing about the internet, isn't it? Everything is changing, all the time. There's too much information going in and coming out, you can't just concentrate on one thing, and you can't show support for everything. So we join groups, like statuses and retweet messages, hoping that that'll be enough. Someone else can do the hard stuff. Someone else can teach the anti-bullying classes and send money to the children of Uganda.

And I do this too. I'm not standing on any pedestal, wagging my finger at the world for not being better citizens. It's hard to be passionate about things these days.
Not only that, but it's hard to know what groups, or organizations or sad stories are for real. There are so many internet scams created everyday. People make up sad stories and attach an unsettling photo from Google so that they can have their photo shared thousands of times.

So when things like youth suicide happen, and when the entire world knows about it, it's hard to not join the "bandwagon" isn't it? You want to seem sensitive and so you like RIP Amanda Todd on Facebook and you retweet some stuff about her.
But then you actually read some of the things on the group's wall and there are people being disrespectful there. Saying that the people who bullied her should "go die."
And all I can think is, "did you all completely miss the point?" Why did you join a group remembering a girl who wants to stop bullying, if you're just going to be rude and disrespectful (a bully) while you're there? Just because the person you're bullying is a bully, doesn't mean that what you're doing is okay.

I'm not against supporting causes, or joining groups. I'm against the complete lack of thinking that you see on the internet every day. And it's not anyone's fault necessarily. Like I said, the information being thrown at us every day is astounding. Processing it all is more work than most people even realize and so I guess it's understandable that maybe you post things without thinking, or like groups without understanding what they're all about.

In closing, all of my blabbering about bandwagons and scams aside, I hope we never have to see another news story like this. I know, bullying is something that will probably never truly go away. But we can change things and hopefully this is truly the push we need to do it. Bullying awareness is something that I always remember being a part of education (did anyone else learn the warm fuzzies cold pricklies story?) but maybe it takes a story like this one to really make it sink in.

Pet Peeve of the Week: Loud Talkers

Courtesy of Parks and Recreation and some nice soul on Tumblr

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. I cannot deal with people who speak loudly when there's no need to. Shut up! Seriously. If I can hear you through walls, you're too loud. (In a perfect world, if I can hear you at all, this should be considered too loud, but let's be reasonable here.)

Things I want to do to people who talk really loud (either all together or separately):

• slam their head in a refrigerator door
• cram cotton candy down their throats until they can't talk anymore
• shove tiny needles under their nails (preferably AFTER the cotton candy has rendered them speechless.)
• run them over with six cars
• lock them in a walk in freezer for fourteen hours WITH a dead body

Okay, some of that stuff seems unnecessary but this drives me nuts. Any sounds, for that matter, drive me nuts. But microwaves and closing doors, those are sounds that can't really be helped. What can be helped is how loud you choose to speak in a regular situation.

When yelling is okay:

• when you're being eaten by a shark
• when I'm about to walk into a pole and you're trying to save me head injuries/embarrassment
• when the Isley Brothers tell you to shout while you are twisting
• when you're at a party and everyone else is (I guess)
• when you're in a completely solitary place and you need to let out some steam

Yep. Those are pretty much the only acceptable times.

Okay, I know some people don't realize they're doing it, but that doesn't stop me from disliking them.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Quietly. On the internet. Which takes almost no sound at all.